


Things My Heart Used To Know

by DreamingInWonderland



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: F/M, Originally posted between April and July 2015, Transferring my stuff from fanfiction.net, love across the class divide, slight class swap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 10:25:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19332667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingInWonderland/pseuds/DreamingInWonderland
Summary: Lady Elisabeth Crawley and Elsie Hughes. Two women, 100 years apart. One house and a thread of fate and destiny connecting them. Can love ever get a second chance?





	1. At The Beginning

“ _Since 1942, Downton Abbey has stood abandoned. Once it was home to the Crawley family, and an employer of many. Now it stands as a relic of a bygone era. Despite being left to the elements, and having some slight structural damage much of the Abbey has retained its splendour. The imposing Gothic façade, still looms over the small village looking every inch the palatial home it once was. Many furnishings remain, as though it is just waiting for the family to walk back through the doors and reclaim their home…_ Els, are you sure you should be doing this?” came the worried voice of her best friend Beryl over the phone, “the place has structural damage, it sounds like it could be dangerous.”

“Some, Beryl. Some structural damage. I’ll be fine,” Elsie commented, “its just to take a few pictures and get some history of the place,” she added, as she searched for the turn off for the small village of Downton.

“It still has all the makings of a horror movie. Young woman goes unaccompanied to an abandoned house…”

“I’m not going to be there on my own.” Elsie interrupted.

“Right, that bloke is going to be there,” Beryl replied “What was his name again?”

“Charles Carson,” she replied, as she spotted the turning, “his family has a long association with the house. His great grandfather was a footman there around about a hundred years ago. If it eases your mind, I’ll call you every hour.” Elsie added as she drove through the village that still looked as it would have done in the early twentieth century. Only the odd satellite dish and cars along the roadside gave it away as the twenty first century. “I’m almost there so, I’ll call you later.” she added, as she pressed the end call button.

Five minutes later, Elsie was stood by her car, looking at the wrought iron gates, that separated the Abbey from the road. She could well imagine just how imposing and awe-inspiring it must have been in its hey day. She wasn’t entirely sure why, but as she looked up at the building, she felt the oddest feeling of déjà vu. It was as though she’d been there before. Which she couldn’t have been, the most she’d seen of it before today was the odd picture of it and the aerial view on Google maps. Elsie sighed, she still felt a little delicate following the drinks with Anna and Beryl the previous night, so she dismissed the odd feeling as the remnants of a hangover.

As she felt the first drops of rain hit her head, Elsie, thought twice about walking up the drive. She pushed open the gates, a little wider, before she got back into the car and followed the earlier set of tyre tracks. Elsie drove up the drive and let her mind wander, imagined that she was a member of the aristocracy…or at least one of those people in those popular period dramas. She pulled up alongside another which she guessed to be Charles’s. As he wasn’t stood by it, she guessed he was waiting inside. Which she wasn’t surprised about as in the two minutes it had taken to get from the gates to the front of the house, the rain had turned from a light shower to a full on downpour.

The gravel crunched beneath her feet and raindrops splattered against the umbrella, as Elsie walked towards the front door, her camera case, slung over shoulder. She came to a stop outside and tilted her head back to look up. _I wonder what it was like to live here,_ she thought to herself. As she lowered her head, she noticed the ornate lion door knocker. Elsie traced her finger over it and marvelled at how well intact most of it was. A little weather beaten, but still intact. It was then that she noticed that the door was stood slightly ajar. Rather than knock and risk getting more wet (her umbrella was starting to lean slightly to one side as the wind picked up), Elsie pushed open the front door and walked inside, taking her umbrella down as she walked.

As she moved into the vestibule, she noticed an umbrella stand and placed her umbrella inside of it, before moving further into the old house. As Elsie did so the feeling of déjà vu intensified and as she blinked she caught snatches of images in her minds eye. People turning in circles as they danced to music, stood in corners talking, laughing. Memories of dancing with a tall man, in a footman’s livery. Elsie shook her head to clear her mind. There was no one here except her. And Charles wherever he was, she thought to herself as she began to hum a tune, she had never been taught.

\--X--

_From her spot beside one of the pillars, Elsie Crawley was able to hide herself from everyone. The servants ball was one of her least favourite times of the year. Well it was these days. It used to be quite fun, but that was back when her brother Patrick had been alive. She closed her eyes and tried to stop the tears falling. It had been almost nine months since he’d drowned on the Titanic and she still missed him. She had much preferred him to her eldest brother Matthew. Not that Matthew wasn’t fun to be around but since he’d met – and proposed to – Mary Anderson-Pierce (daughter of Sir Robert Anderson-Pierce who’d made his fortune in banking) he wasn’t as fun as he’d used to be._

_She rolled her eyes as she watched her mother Isobel fawn over the woman who would one displace her as Countess of Grantham. With the wedding all set for the end of January it was impossible to move anywhere in the Abbey without hearing someone talking about it. It wasn’t uncommon to see her mother summoning the cook Mrs Patmore or the housekeeper Mrs Smith for some alteration to the reception or for the flowers that were being ordered._

_As she turned to walk towards the doors, deciding some air was in order, she heard someone come up behind her and cough slightly to get her attention. Elsie turned around to see the first footman Charles stood behind her. Out of all the servants they had, he was one of Elsie’s favourites. Even if it was only because he was the most handsome out of all of them. In her opinion anyway. Charles was around six years older than her and fairly tall._

“ _Was there something you wanted?” she asked._

“ _Might I have this dance milady?” he replied_

“ _One dance,” Elsie commented as she accepted his hand and followed him out into the middle of the hall as the band began to play another song._

\--X--

Charles walked along the gallery as he waited for Elsie to arrive. He had met her briefly the previous year when his father, Nathan had been giving a talk about the old manor houses of England and Wales that she had attended. It had been there that he had mentioned how his family were sort of caretaker’s of the former house as his great grandfather and grandfather had served the family.

Charles had found something familiar about her when they’d met, which was decidedly odd as he had never seen her before that moment. As it had only been one meeting and they hadn’t swapped any contact information, Charles had put it from his mind. Elsie had then contacted him the previous month, to explain how she was doing a photography project on old, abandoned manor houses, and as his family had known the family, would he be willing to accompany her around the Abbey. Charles had agreed, if only to try and figure out why she seemed familiar to him. Plus he hadn’t visited Downton Abbey in thirty three years. Not since he was a young lad of five sitting on the shoulders of his grandfather.

As he neared the fine, oak panelled staircase, he noticed the peeling of plaster on one of the pillars and wondered just what it was that kept this old Abbey standing. He heard the sound of humming coming from the saloon and looked down onto the floor below, where he saw a young woman dancing with an invisible partner. Even from this height, Charles recognised that this was Elsie Hughes. As he watched her dance around the saloon, in slow, measured, elegant movements, Charles couldn’t help but wonder where he’d seen that dance before. He slowly began to walk down the stairs, and came to a stop, just in front of a marble statue that had seen better days.

As Elsie continued to move around the saloon, she couldn’t help but wonder as to how her body knew the steps she’d never learnt before. She really wasn’t one for dancing, unless it was around her handbag or on the tables. But that was only when Beryl would ply her and Anna with her mystery cocktails that seemed to contain every type of spirit known to man. Elsie completed another turn and became aware of a movement out of the corner of her eye. She came to a stop and focused on the bottom of the staircase.

“How long have you been standing there?” Elsie asked, as she folded her arms.

“Not long, I was up on the first floor,” Charles replied, “and then I heard you humming.”

“Why didn’t you announce yourself sooner?”

“You looked like you were having fun.” he shrugged as he walked over to her. “Where did you learn that dance?”

“I don’t know,” Elsie replied “I don’t dance, but it was like a muscle memory. Somehow my body knew exactly what to do.” she added, “It’s weird but I feel like I’ve been here before. When to my knowledge, I’ve never set foot in here before.”

“I know the feeling,” Charles commented as he watched her pull a notebook from the pocket of her camera case. He had a feeling that the next couple of days would certainly be interesting.


	2. Journey To The Past

1913

Dreams were a funny thing, Charles mused as he lay looking up at the ceiling of his room. Constantly changing, never staying the same just like life. One moment his dream had been a picnic with his mother, father and sister that hadn’t ended in rain like the ones from his childhood. The next moment, Charles had been dreaming of running through a field of wild flowers chasing a young lady with wavy light brown almost ash blonde hair. Charles had only caught a small glimpse of her in profile, and she’d looked familiar to him. But just as he had caught up with her, he had been awoken by a quick, sharp knock on his door.

“Six o’clock.”

Knowing he would have no more chance to ruminate on the dream, Charles wearily rubbed a hand across his face and began his morning routine. As he sat up his eyes fell upon the small tome that lay on the cabinet beside his bed. Charles had known for ages that this would be the perfect birthday present for her, and he would pass it onto her later.

Once he was dressed, Charles had headed downstairs and along with William began to clear up the remains from the previous night.

“Charles,” came the voice of the housekeeper Mrs Smith from the doorway, “can you go down and tell Mr Bates that breakfast will be laid in five minutes.”

“Yes Mrs Smith,” he replied, as he headed out of the dining room.

Quarter of an hour later, breakfast was well under way. While some of the senior staff like Mrs Smith, Mr Bates and Miss Baxter had the luxury of taking a little bit longer with their morning meal, the other servants had to eat fairly quickly. Despite this, breakfast still had a slightly lively atmosphere in the servants hall. Mostly due to the jovial nature of Thomas who was valet to Matthew Crawley, and William the second footman. As was usual Charles was sat talking to his sister Maria, the head housemaid. They were in the middle of discussing what to get their mother for her birthday when the first of the days bells went. They shared a look as Maria stood up and headed towards the kitchen to get the tray for Lady Elisabeth.

\---X---

“Are you looking forward to your birthday dinner this evening milady?” Maria asked as she pinned Elsie’s hair up.

“As much as one can be,” she replied with an eye roll “with the exception of Sybil and Edith whom I like, most people in attendance are friends of mama and papa. After the tales I’ve heard, I’d much rather have my birthday downstairs in the servants hall.” she finished with a laugh.

Maria smiled at the younger woman. She’d only been a kitchen maid when Lady Elisabeth was growing up and had fond memories of her escaping her nanny to hide in the housekeeper’s sitting room. So it was really no great surprise to her, that the young lady would rather hide out in the servants hall. Though Maria suspected it had more to do with her younger brother than the atmosphere that made Lady Elisabeth want to be downstairs with the servants. As she put the last pin in place, Maria stood back slightly and let her look at it from all angles.

“Is that how you meant it milady?” she asked

“Exactly,” Elsie replied as she stood up, “oh and before I forget, I’ve changed my mind, I’ll wear the blue dress tonight,” she added as she left her room.

As she entered the dining room, Elsie wasn’t surprised to see her father and brother already up. However, she was surprised to see her mother also sat at the table.

“You’re not normally down here this early,” she commented as she sat down beside her.

“I know,” Isobel replied “but its not everyday your daughter turns eighteen,” she added with a smile “plus I have to go over some last minute preparations for the dinner this evening.”

“So who is coming this evening?” Matthew asked as he looked over the top of his letter at his mother.

“Just a few family friends, including Evelyn Napier, Lord Gillingham and his son Anthony,” Isobel replied, both Elsie and her father shared a look. Though Elsie wasn’t yet out in society, Isobel had seen no harm in making sure that several eligible bachelors were invited to potentially lay groundwork for the coming season, “and the Anderson-Pierce’s of course,” Isobel added with a nod at Matthew.

“Are they the only ones staying?” Reginald asked.

“Yes,” Isobel replied ruefully, “I had thought about making it a proper house party, but it wasn’t to be,” she added “do you have any plans for today?”

“Not especially,” Elsie replied.

\---X---

Despite the harshness of the January weather, and the winter landscape, Elsie still enjoyed hiding herself away on Jackdaw’s castle. She often liked to take a blanket or two and sit there for a few hours, to read a book in quiet. Even in the winter, she still came out here. She just made sure she put on a coat, gloves and scarf. As she read the last page, she heard footsteps approach her.

Elsie looked up to see Charles walking towards her. Normally she was left to her own devices, such was the benefit of being the youngest. As long as someone knew where she was of course. However, someone was only dispatched to look for her, when it was something important.

“Yes?”

“Lady Grantham was looking for you milady,” Charles replied “the car has just gone to meet the Anderson-Pierce’s at the station and…”

“She wants the full compliment assembled for their return,” Elsie commented as she stood up, before picking the blankets up. She smiled in slight amusement as Charles took the blankets from her and tucked them under his arm.

“Happy birthday milady,” Charles said quietly as they walked back towards the house, hoping she wouldn’t hear him. It was one thing to speak to a member of the family when passing on a message but it was another entirely to speak out of turn. Even if it was a birthday greeting.

“Thank you.” Elsie smiled, blushing a little. Since she was a young girl she’d always had a soft spot for the first footman and Sybil often teased her about having a little crush.

“If its not too bold of me, I’ve left a present for you on your bedside table.”

“Its not too bold,” she replied “I seem to recall a little eight year old girl crying as her favourite doll had been hidden by her elder brothers and a fourteen year old hall boy finding it, then returning it to its owner,” she smiled as they reached the house and went in separate directions.

\---X---

Elsie watched as Maria left the room, before she made her way over to her bedside table. She picked up the thin tome and looked at it properly. When she’d come up to change for dinner, Elsie had barely more than a chance to look at the spine of the book that Charles had left for her. She had seen that it was a copy of Blake’s _Songs of Innocence and Experience_. The thought behind it had made her smile. Elsie had often lamented (out loud and at length) the fact that Downton’s library only had the separate volumes and not the two volumes together complete with illustrations. She just hadn’t realised that Charles had overheard this complaint, and had rectified it. Or at least given her, her own copy.

All the other gifts she’d received had been trinkets, or little things that one gets a lady on her birthday, with very little thought behind them. This on the other hand had, had plenty of thought behind it. Elsie opened the front cover, and noticed an inky black scrawl in the top left hand corner of the first page:

_To my darling son,_

_Congratulations on your promotion to first footman, you’ve made me so proud._

_All my love,_

_Mother._

Elsie closed the book in shock. She couldn’t believe that he would give her something that meant this much to him. She didn’t know much about the servants, but she knew there was very little they could call their own, and possessions like this should be kept with them, and only passed down on death. As she realised it was too late to give it back to him tonight, Elsie knew that at some point tomorrow, she would have to find Charles and return it to him.

The next morning, Elsie headed downstairs, book in hand to look for Charles. As she and her mother were having luncheon over at the Skelton estate, she knew that she didn’t have much time to find him. While she didn’t know much about the running of a house, or the servants daily routine, she did know that after breakfast had finished that a footman would likely be clearing the dining room.

Elsie pushed open the dining room door and as she’d guessed, she found Charles clearing away the plates. She coughed slightly to get his attention, and then made her way to stand beside him at the table.

“Was there something you wanted milady?”

“Yes,” she replied as she placed the book on the table, “I want to return this to you.”

“But its yours.”

“But you’re mother gave this to you…”

“Do you not like it?”

“I do, a lot. It was a lovely gift, but I can’t accept it. Its yours. It must mean a lot to you.”

“Well its yours now milady, no arguments.” Charles replied with a smile.

“If you insist,” Elsie replied with hands raised in surrender, before she picked up the book and left him to finish clearing the dining room.


	3. Things I Almost Remember

2013

“ _It’s weird but I feel like I’ve been here before. When to my knowledge, I’ve never set foot in here before.”_

“ _I know the feeling,” Charles commented as he watched her pull a notebook from the pocket of her camera case. He had a feeling that the next couple of days would certainly be interesting._

Elsie flipped open her notebook, and searched for the page that had her notes on the rooms she’d like to get pictures of. They ranged from rooms like the library, the nursery and the bedrooms to the servants hall, kitchens, the attics providing they were structurally sound of course.

“What’s the signal coverage like up here?” Elsie asked as she checked her mobile.

“Pretty good why?”

“My friend Beryl is concerned about me being up here, so I said I’d call her every hour to reassure her. Plus I need to be contactable at all times.”

“Children?”

“Not exactly,” she evaded, “So, Mr my-family-served-the-Crawley’s, what can you tell me about them.”

“From what I’ve learned, Isobel and Reginald Crawley became Lord and Lady Grantham in 1900, it was supposed to go to his elder brother James but he died in the Boer War. Reginald died in 1935, Isobel in 1940. They had three children, two sons and a daughter. Their eldest Matthew died in a car accident in 1921, their other son Patrick died on the Titanic, and….”

Charles was interrupted by the sound of a mobile ringing. He watched as Elsie pulled out her mobile. She smiled apologetically at him, before she pressed the answer button. He watched as she paced the saloon, and she rubbed a weary hand across her face. Charles could tell by the look on her face she wasn’t impressed by what she was hearing.

“Alright, put her on.” she said “hello Le-le…no I won’t be back tonight…I told you, I’m working on a project, do you mind staying with Beryl for a few days….yes Daisy will be home this weekend…I’m sure if you ask nicely she’ll let you play dress up again…yes you can get the Merida dress out of the flat…I love you too…tell Beryl I’ll call her later.” she added hanging up the phone, and placing it back in her bag.

“Everything alright?”

“Fine,” she replied “it would seem that my late sister’s, in-law’s really aren’t interested in spending anytime with Leila. Long story,” Elsie added by way of explanation as she’d seen that Charles was about to ask a follow up question. “Anyway I was wondering, if we could perhaps tour the Abbey today and then take the photographs tomorrow. If that’s alright?”

Charles nodded in agreement, plus it would give them the chance to double check which rooms wouldn’t fall down around their ears. Or which would have floors that they could easily fall through. His father had, had a structural engineer come round and check, but that had been two weeks ago. There was no telling what could have changed in the days since. The only rooms he was certain about were the ones off of the saloon, and several on the first floor.

“Shall we start down here?” Charles asked as he indicated the door to the library.

The oak panelled door squeaked open as they walked into the former library. The bookcases still lined the walls. Some books had gone, but some still remained. Those that remained, were extremely worn, and looked like they’d fall apart if they actually moved them. Elsie headed over to the nearest bookcase and ran a finger across the spines. As she came across one she paused briefly then looked at the book next to it.

“Well that’s just stupid,” Elsie commented.

“What is?” Charles asked as he joined her.

“This would have been a grand library several decades ago yes?” she asked “so why doesn’t it have the 1794 edition of Blake’s Songs of Innocence and Experience with the title plates. What kind of library was this?” she added as she moved to the middle of the room to get a proper look at the room as a whole, so she could decide the best ways to take pictures of it.

“Fairly grand apparently,” Charles replied as he watched Elsie turn around slowly to take in every angle of the room. She then headed over to the windows where she saw heavy, black, moth-eaten drapes covered them. “They won’t fall apart if you open them you know.” he added causing her to jump as she hadn’t realised he’d come up behind her.

Elsie threw a smile at him over her shoulder, before she reached out and pulled at the nearest drape to open it. As she pulled them open, a bit more light flooded into the room.

“Can you imagine what it would have been like to stand here, and look out over that?” she asked, as she indicated the vast landscape before them.

“I can,” he replied, “of course the grass would’ve been a lot shorter,” Charles added with a smirk. Elsie looked up at him with an answering smirk. As they shared the same look, both felt as though they’d been in a similar situation before. Only it had been darker, and a fire had crackled in the fireplace behind them.

“Maybe, we should, continue exploring.” Elsie commented as the moment passed.

“Certainly. Now, if I remember the stories correctly,” Charles replied as he approached a bookcase on the far wall, and began to inspect it, “ah ha” he added as he pulled it at the right point, revealing a hidden door.

“Well, if you ever needed to make a quick escape,” Elsie laughed as she walked through into the music room.

\--X--

As they walked along the gallery, Elsie looked over from one end to the other and not for the first time wondered what it would’ve been like in its hey day. Back when its inhabitants must have thought their way of life would’ve lasted forever.

As she looked down at the saloon, Elsie felt another sense of déjà vu wash over her. She saw a series of tables set out as though it were a canteen. Elsie also saw flashes of men in uniform. She shook her head slightly to clear the thought and looked over at Charles who also seemed to be staring into the past. She turned around to look at the doors that lined the gallery, and tried to decide which one they should look in. After a moment of deliberation, Elsie lightly touched his arm to get his attention and nodded towards the middle door.

They pushed open the door and found themselves in a room with light green walls with a pattern of leaves on them. They noticed that the paper on the walls had peeled away, exposing the bare wall with brown streaks of old water lining it. The ceiling was also showing signs of the plaster peeling with a lot of it on the floor of the room. The bed still stood with the head of it, nestled in the alcove. The covers were turned back and the wardrobe doors stood open, only a few items remaining. While Charles looked out at the view and prayed the floor would hold (his father had said that some of the rooms had weak floors). Elsie headed over to the wardrobe to look at the clothes.

She looked at the dress that still hung on its hanger and ran a hand across the fabric. There were many holes as a result of moths, and the delicate beading had seen far better days. She could tell that the dress had once been deep blue. In her minds eye, Elsie caught a flash of pulling the dress out of the wardrobe and holding it against herself. She frowned slightly and headed over towards the table beside the bed.

As she approached the bed, Elsie felt a sense of breathlessness come over her, and a vice like grip inside her chest as though something was crushing her as it attempted to squeeze the life out of her. From his position by the window, Charles noticed that she had gone pale and was holding her hand to her chest.

“Is everything alright?” Charles asked as he came up behind her, and placed a hand on her arm

“I’m not sure, excuse me,” she replied as she quickly hurried out of the room.

The minute she walked out of the room, Elsie felt her usual self again. She had previously heard about such phenomena when visiting old houses, but she’d always dismissed it as rubbish. Now, she wasn’t so sure. Elsie closed her eyes and leaned back against the wall, taking in several deep breaths.

After a few moments, she opened her eyes, and looked around the hallway. Elsie saw Charles stood opposite her, eyes filled with concern.

“Feeling better?” he asked as he approached her, and took her hand in his.

“I am,” she smiled, “so I’ve seen all I need to from the ‘upstairs’ rooms,” she added after a moment, “is it possible to see anything in the servants quarters?”

“Well, the servants hall and the kitchens you can still walk around,” Charles replied after a moment’s thought about what his father had told him, “you can still go up to the attic rooms, but they’re not in the greatest of conditions.”

“But we can go up to them?” Elsie asked eagerly. In every period drama she watched, she was always more fascinated by the servants lives than the Lords and Ladies.

“As long as we’re really careful.”

“Well, I’ll continue to hold your hand, and then if one of us falls, we both do.” Elsie commented as she noted their hands were still linked.

-X-

The first thing that Elsie learnt about the servants sleeping quarters, was that only half of them were accessible. Even from the far end of the corridor, they could look through the glass in the door that separated the two halves of the corridor and could see several bits of ceiling and wooden beams from where the roof had started to collapse. The second thing she had learnt was that the servants rooms were fairly small. Especially when compared to the bedrooms on the first floor. Some of the doors still bore the name plates of the people who lived in them. Judging by the few names she could make out, Elsie had learned they were on the male side of the attic rooms. Rather than risk going too far down the corridor, Charles and Elsie decided to stay near to the stairs, in case they needed to make a swift exit.

Currently they were stood in the doorway of the nearest room to the stairs. The name plate on the door had faded and had yellowed with age. They could just about see the faint outline of letters, but the only one they could make out was the letter ‘s’.

“These poor men,” Elsie commented as she looked around the room. There was a bed, a small chest of drawers, an overturned chair and not much else, “this was all they had for a room.”

“I’m sure they added a few touches of home,” Charles added as they both slowly moved further into the room.

As Elsie stood in the middle of the room, she frowned slightly. Just like with several other rooms that they’d been in, she felt as though she’d been there before. She looked over at Charles and saw that he too wore a frown as though the room was familiar to him as well. She let her eyes sweep over the room, and in her minds eye, she could see two people sat on the bed, one resting their head on the other’s shoulder.

“ _I didn’t see her enough in those final days. My own mother and I wasn’t even with her when she died.”_

“ _You can’t keep feeling guilty about that. It wasn’t your fault. If my parents had known, if you’d have known, they would’ve made sure that Bates put you on the first train back to Yorkshire.”_

“ _I know, but when my father died I promised him I’d look after Maria and my mother. I let him down.”_

“ _You did no such thing. Your sister can look after herself and I believe you could never let your parents down. They must have been so proud of you.”_

“ _Like your parents?”_

“ _We’ll see.”_

Out of the corner of her eye, Elsie could see that Charles looked to be blinking rapidly as though to stop tears. Something about this room, had resonated with him as well.

"I think that’s enough exploring for today,” she said breaking the silence.

“I think you’re right,” Charles commented, as they left the room and made their way back towards the stairs “you know if you wanted a bit more background on life in this house, my grandfather Peter has a box that belonged to my great grandfather. Plus he worked here a bit in the late 30’s so he’s got a few stories to tell.” he added as they walked down the stairs.

“Well, Peter Carson sounds like a man of many stories,” Elsie replied “I’d like to meet him someday.”

“How about tomorrow?” Charles asked “he lives locally, is 92 years old, and still sharp as a tack.”

“I’d like that,” she smiled.

“Are you staying nearby?”

“I was going to check into the small inn, I saw just by the turn off, the Downton Arms was it?”

“Yes, used to be called the Grantham Arms, and it’s really not good for a decent nights sleep.” Charles replied as they reached what used to be the servants hall, “you can stay at mine if you’d like,” he added, causing Elsie to look sharply at him, “I didn’t mean like that, I’d sleep on the sofa you could sleep in my room.” he said as he grew flustered, “I just thought it might be easier.”

“It would,” Elsie agreed after a few moments of hesitation. Wondering why she was agreeing to stay with a man she’d only met once before today, and just why she was beginning to feel like she’d known him for a long time.


	4. Funfairs and Minor Injuries

May 1913

In the four months since Matthew had married Mary, Elsie had noticed a change in her mother. If Isobel wasn’t checking to see if the succession was sorted, she was arranging for all manner of dress fittings and lessons in conversation ready for Elsie’s upcoming debut season. Thankfully, Reginald was more than willing to distract Isobel so that Elsie could escape for an hour or two. These spare hours allowed Elsie to get away from anything that involved the words ‘London’ and ‘debut into society’. These hours were often spent in the company of Mary’s sister Sybil who frequently visited and enjoyed the relative freedom of country living, or talking about all sorts with Charles who had become a very good friend in the past few months.

Elsie pulled up the gloves of her evening outfit as she left her room. As she neared the stairs, she encountered Sybil also on her way downstairs.

“Did you see they were setting up a fair in the village?” Sybil asked as the descended the stairs.

“I did,” Elsie replied “they normally come once a year, I used to attend with the governess or my elder brothers.”

“Is it much fun?” she asked, “living in London, there isn’t much chance to go to country fairs.”

“It usually is.”

“Do you think Lady Grantham would let us go down to the fair tomorrow evening?” Sybil asked hurriedly, “Mary and Matthew are having dinner over at the Skelton’s. And we wouldn’t be gone long.”

“It would be fun to be out for the night that wouldn’t require attendance at another dinner party,” Elsie commented, “but you’ll be the one asking,” she added with a laugh as they entered the drawing room, “you are in her charge while staying here.”

-x-

“So would it be alright for us to go to the fair?” Sybil asked as desert was brought out.

“I don’t see why not,” Isobel replied “as long as Branson drives you, I’m not sure I like the idea of you walking to and from the fair at night.”

“Why should he?” Elsie asked “we’ll be fine. Besides its not as if it gets dark in the early evening anymore.”

“I agree with Elsie,” Mary commented from the other end of the table “both she and Sybil are eighteen and neither are likely to run off with the fair,” she added with a smile at both her sister, and her sister-in-law.

“Will you at least let Branson drive you down to the fair?” Isobel asked.

“If only to put your mind at ease mama,” Elsie replied as she noted the look on Sybil’s face at the notion of spending time with their new chauffeur.

-x-

It was a quiet afternoon in the servants hall. The few that had a half day, and taking a trip into the village, the ones that remained were occupied with their various tasks. As she had finished her tasks for that afternoon, Maria was sat sewing a couple of buttons back onto one of Lady Elisabeth’s jackets while talking to Charles.

“Why are you still here?” Maria asked as she looked over at her brother.

“Why shouldn’t I be in the servants hall?”

“Its your half day,” she replied like it was obvious, “you normally spend that time talking with your lady love.”

“Lady Elisabeth is neither my lady nor my love, she’s just a friend,” Charles replied wondering why he felt a little defensive, “as much as one can be friends with someone they serve,” he added.

Though in actual fact he did feel they were quite good friends. In the past few months, they’d developed a friendship and on his half days, he would join her in Jackdaw’s castle or by the lake. They would sit and talk about various books they’d read. As well as various things about their lives. While Elsie hadn’t exactly said it in as many words, Charles got the feeling that there were moments when she was either lonely or just bored with her life. He was pulled out of his thoughts by a bell ringing. Both he and Maria looked up at the bell board and saw that it was for the library.

“I think that’s for you,” Maria commented as Charles stood up and headed out of the servants hall.

-x-

As was usual for the beginning of May, the air was cool as dusk settled over the village. It had been a balmy late spring day, and with the evening breeze both Elsie and Sybil had left their summer coats in the back of the car and had asked Branson to take them back up to the Abbey with him.

They had walked around the various stalls and had tried their luck at the coconut shy. Sybil had tried to claim she was better at these things, but Elsie had proven her wrong by hitting three, while Sybil had only gotten two. Both had enjoyed the chance to have a bit of fun, before the hectic whirl that would be their debut London season. They had reluctantly promised Isobel that wouldn’t be out too late, so they had been determined to make the most of it.

“I don’t think its fair,” Sybil commented as they walked up the road towards the Abbey and she threaded her arm through Elsie‘s.

“What isn't?”

“That you get a handsome chauffeur when I’m stuck with old Pratt,” she laughed.

“Well, if mama’s suspicions are correct,” Elsie replied as she recalled the looks her mother had thrown when Mary had cried off luncheon as she‘d felt a little peaky, “your family will be instilled at Crawley house while awaiting the blessed event. Then you can see him a lot more.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it,” Sybil commented, “though now that I think of it, your family do have some very handsome servants. Matthew’s valet Barrow for starters, not to mention your first footman.”

“I hadn’t really noticed,” Elsie muttered, as she turned her head slightly, and hoped Sybil couldn’t see the slight colour on her cheeks.

“Elisabeth Crawley, are you blushing?”

“No,” she lied.

Sybil was about to press her further, when they walked past a group of servants that were heading in the direction they had just come from. They nodded at them as they passed them. Sybil noticed that Elsie had frowned as they’d walked past, as though she was expecting to see someone amongst them. She was about to question it, when she felt a pull on her arm, and the sound of something hitting the ground. She turned her head to see that Elsie had tripped over.

“Heavens, are you alright?” Sybil asked as she bent down to help her up.

“Perfectly fine,” Elsie replied as she tried to walk ahead but stumbled a little.

“Yes it would seem so,” she commented, “come on, lean on me.” Sybil added a few moments later.

\--X--

Charles walked down the path towards the gate. He had hoped to leave at the same time as the others, but he had been held up while writing a letter to his mother. Still he knew that it wasn’t as though the fair would be over by the time he got there. Even if it was the last night it was in the village. As he turned onto the road that led to the village, he caught sight of two people walking towards him. As he drew near to them, he noticed that it was Lady Elisabeth alongside Sybil Anderson-Pierce.

“Milady is everything quite alright?” Charles asked.

“I’ve been rather clumsy I’m afraid,” Elsie shrugged, “I wasn’t looking where I was going, and tripped over,” she added. “But I’ll be fine.”

“I could be of assistance if you’d like,” Charles said

“I can manage,” Elsie commented, “besides, this is the last night of the fair, you can’t miss out on it.”

“Elsie, it’s at least another quarter of a mile back to the house, Charles can help us get back faster.” Sybil replied with a significant look at Elsie.

“She’s right milady.”

“Very well,” she sighed “what do you suggest.”

“If you’ll permit me, I could carry you back.”

“If you must, you must,” Elsie commented as he moved closer. In one swift movement, he lifted her up placing one arm around her back and the other under her knees, as he held her close and Elsie hooked her arms around his neck.

As she was being carried back to the Abbey, Elsie threw a glance over her shoulder at Sybil who wore a smirk on her face. She rolled her eyes at her friend, and prayed that Sybil wouldn’t make too big a deal out of this. Elsie also hoped that the little bit of colour on her face wasn’t noticeable. There was no law that said she couldn’t have a little bit of a crush on her family’s footman, Elsie just didn’t want it broadcast to either her friend, or the person whose arms she now found herself in.

“Did you have fun at the fair milady?” Charles asked as they headed through the gates.

“I did,” Elsie replied “until I fell.” she added, “and I think you should put me down now.” she finished as they neared the house.

“Why?”

“Well, even though there is nothing improper about your carrying me,” Elsie began “I wouldn’t put it past Lord Grantham, or Bates to think there was something improper in it,” she added, “I’d hate to see you cast out with no reference.”

“Well at least lean on me a little,” Charles commented as he set her down on the floor, “and providing Miss Anderson-Pierce can keep this to herself, it can remain just between the three of us.” he added as he gave Sybil a pointed look. Sybil nodded in reply, before hurrying ahead and knocking on the front door.

“Oh please don’t let mama see until I’m upstairs,” Elsie muttered as the door opened.

It was common knowledge throughout the house, that Lady Grantham was a bit of worrier when it came to her youngest child. Though she did have reason to be. The night Elsie was born, both she and her mother had come close to dying following a difficult delivery. That coupled with a particularly nasty bout of influenza at eighteen months old, had made Isobel a little too protective on occasion. Especially if she was injured in some way.

As the door opened, all three had breathed a sigh of relief, to learn that Lord and Lady Grantham were still at dinner. Once they were inside, Charles headed straight to the servants hall to send Maria up to Elsie‘s bedroom. Sybil was about to help Elsie up the stairs, when the dining room door opened and Bates held the door open as her parents walked out.

“Elsie, what happened?” Isobel asked as she saw her daughter leant against Sybil.

“Its nothing, I tripped and hurt my ankle,” she replied. She instantly regretted her words, as her mother immediately rushed to her daughter’s side.

"Is it broken? Should I call Doctor Clarkson to come and have a look?”

“Its fine mama,” Elsie replied “if I rest it, I’ll be fine.”

“Can you make it up the stairs alright?” Reginald asked, as he sensed Isobel about to insist, she call the doctor.

“I could use a hand,” she replied.

“Then allow me,” Reginald said “I haven’t done this in about twelve years, so hopefully, I won’t drop you,” he added with a smile, as he picked Elsie up and carried her up the stairs towards her room.

“I still think I should send for doctor Clarkson,” Isobel commented as she followed her husband and Sybil up the stairs.

“She’ll be fine for tonight dear,” Reginald replied with a sigh, “if its still bad in the morning, then I’ll go and get Doctor Clarkson personally.”

\--X--

Elsie looked at the clock on the mantle place. She had been confined to her room for roughly fourteen hours now. All she’d done was hurt her ankle, and it didn’t even hurt that much anymore. Still Elsie had to admit that having her breakfast on a tray in her room, was something she could get used to. Elsie pulled herself up from the chair she was sat in, and tested how it felt to walk on it. She sighed in relief as she realised it didn’t hurt to walk on it, so she didn’t need to ring for assistance to move about.

Relieved that she had her freedom once again, Elsie knew what it was she had to do. If she recalled their conversations correctly, she knew that Charles would be clearing out the dining room. So she should be able to catch him before he disappeared into one of the many rooms that made up the servants hall.

“Glad to see you up and about milady,” Charles commented, “I hope your ankle wasn’t too bad.”

“Its fine. Mama made it sound worse than it actually was,” Elsie said with a shrug, “anyway, I just wanted to thank you for yesterday evening,” she added.

“Well, I am paid to serve the family.” he chuckled.

“You are,” she agreed, “speaking of serving my family, will you be joining us in London this year?”

“I believe so, there are a great many parties your parents will be giving.”

“Don’t remind me,” she laughed, as she thought of the delicate white dress she’d been fitted for earlier. It had fitted beautifully, but to her it had felt like nothing more than a cage. A cage that would be seen by both society and royalty. A cage trapping her into the life she was born to lead.


	5. Debutantes and Death

June 1913

Grantham house in London was its usual hive of activity. It had been two weeks since the Crawley family had decamped to London for the season. Unlike previous years, this year was more hectic than usual due to the fact that this year, Lady Elisabeth would be presented at court and officially out in society. Most of the servants had been on their feet from 6 o’clock right through to midnight. One am on the nights when the family were entertaining. Those nights however, it was only the footmen, butler, valets and ladies maid that didn’t get to bed until the early hours.

Currently they had a slight bit of free time, as Lord and Lady Grantham, along with Lady Elisabeth were at the palace where she was being presented. Mary and Matthew were also out of the house, taking tea with Mary’s grandmother. Though free time may have been overstating it a little. Despite there being no members of the family to wait on, they still had to set up for Lady Elisabeth’s ball that same night.

The furniture had been cleared out of the large reception room. Chairs and a few tables had been placed along the wall to create a space to dance and for the orchestra to sit. As the maids were sweeping the floors, Charles and William (with assistance from Mr Molesley and Mr Barrow) were setting out the punch bowls and checking that everything was set up. The ball wasn’t due to start until half past 8, but Mr Bates had decided it was better to set everything up now, especially as the family would only be having a small buffet style dinner before the ball.

XXXX

Across London, the many debutantes of that season, were in one of the many rooms of Buckingham Palace. Despite the majority of them coming from great estates all over the country, they were still overawed by the surroundings. Elsie looked around the room, she now found herself in, from the deep red of the walls to the white curtains that hung in front of the windows. In just under half an hour, she would be standing in front of King George and Queen Mary being presented. Just the thought of it was enough to make her want to run and hide. Elsie was wondering if she could get away with sneaking out of the palace, and making a run for it when she heard someone call her name. Both she and her mother turned to see Sybil hurrying over to her.

“Oh finally!” Sybil exclaimed as she hugged Elsie, “someone I know,” she added “all these other girls are polite, but I don’t know them as well as you. And they just make me feel nervous.”

“I know the feeling,” Elsie replied, “I even tried to figure out if I could escape without anyone knowing,” she added in a conspiratorial whisper that only Sybil heard.

“Well,” Sybil said as the old Countess that was presenting her, caught up with her “I’ll see you when we’re done,” she added, as she was led towards the presentation room.

“Don’t worry, my dear,” Isobel said as she laid a reassuring hand on her daughter’s arm, “you’ll do wonderfully,” she added.

Five minutes later, Elsie was stood beside the entrance to the throne room, waiting to be announced. In her head, she was mentally going over everything she needed to remember for her brief moment. Back straight, left foot behind right, lower self with head bowed, stand, take a step to the right, and repeat movement to the Queen. Elsie felt her heartbeat quicken as she watched the Lord Chamberlain prepare to read out her name.

“The Countess of Grantham presenting the Lady Elisabeth Crawley.”

Elsie walked alongside her mother until she was stood in front of the royals. She curtsied to the King and repeated the action to the Queen, before she straightened back up and followed her mother to the other side of the room. Now that the main business of the day was over, Elsie breathed a sigh of relief and let her thoughts turn to the ball in her honour that coming evening.

XXXX

As Charles moved around the reception room, his eyes kept straying to the dancing couples and more often than not, they came to rest upon the very lady whose ball this was. Every now and again, Elsie would catch his eye and smile at him. The dress she wore was a dark shade of green that complimented her colouring perfectly. As he handed out glasses of champagne and collected the empty, Charles couldn’t help but wish that this was the servants ball, just so he could have the chance to dance with her. As it was, Charles had to watch from the sidelines and try to ignore or figure out the sharp stab of jealousy that made his chest tighten.

“Charles,” Mr Bates said coming to stand beside him, “I know I have no right to ask you to do this, as it is a hall boy’s job, but they’re helping Mrs Bute, but could you go and get some wood in for the fires tomorrow?”

“Yes, Mr Bates,” he replied, as he set the tray down, and headed out of the room.

As he opened the back door, Charles breathed in deeply. The cool night air provided a contrast to the warmth of the reception room. Knowing he shouldn’t be gone too long, Charles headed straight for the wood cupboard. He briefly paused to look up at the night sky and marvelled at how many stars he could see, despite the gas lamps from the pavement.

“Nice night isn’t it?” came a voice from behind him.

Charles turned around to see Lady Elisabeth stood by the steps that led to the street.

“Milady, what are you doing out here?” he asked noting the eye roll she’d given him when he called her ‘milady’.

“I needed some air,” she replied, “I don’t like being the centre of attention. Plus I needed a break from dancing…or rather my dance partners.”

“I’m sure they’re not all that bad,” Charles commented, ignoring the elated feeling currently taking up residence in his chest.

“No, just terribly dull,” Elsie smiled, “you get better conversation at the servants ball,” she added as she pushed away from the wall, “I can’t believe that, they are the men I’m supposed to choose who I marry from.”

“I don’t doubt you’ll find someone who can hold your attention long enough to win your heart.” Charles replied.

“Strong talk for a Yorkshire man,” Elsie teased, “I think I’ll take you with me wherever I go, if I ever marry.”

“Take me with you?”

“Of course,” she replied like it was obvious, “whatever would I do without my favourite footman?” Elsie asked with a smile, before she impulsively leaned in and kissed his cheek. As she pulled back a look of horror flashed across her face as she realised what she’d done. Without saying another word, she quickly turned on her heel and headed back inside Grantham house.

Charles stood staring at the spot where Elsie had previously been stood. He knew that they were quite close friends, but never in his wildest dreams would Charles ever have imagined that she would cross the line that existed between them and their positions within the house. Unconsciously, he raised a hand to rest against his cheek. Two fingers on the spot where her lips had been a few moments ago. After a few moments of reflection, Charles shook his head and remembered that he was supposed to be getting some more wood for the fires in the morning, and tried to put the feel of her lips against his cheek out of his mind.

XXXX

For the remaining few weeks that they were in London, Elsie kept her distance from Charles. The only time she had spoken with him was when she had sought him out the morning after the ball to apologise for her behaviour. Charles had waved it off and had told her she had nothing to be sorry about. But after that, Elsie had allowed herself to get swept up in the various events she was expected to attend and had only seen him at mealtimes. Something she intended to keep up for several months when they got to back to Downton. That intention however, went out of the window on the morning that they returned to Downton.

As they were all due to leave on the half past nine train, both Isobel and Mary were in dining room for breakfast, instead of taking breakfast in their rooms. Elsie frowned slightly as she saw Bates approach her father. She looked through the pile of letters that were beside her seat at the table, and at the mention of Charles’ name her attention turned from the post to the conversation. From her position opposite her mother and beside her father, Elsie was able to hear everything being said.

“…ram just arrived, from his sister back in Downton. His mother has died.”

“Poor chap,” Reginald commented “please convey our condolences to him.”

“Of course milord,” Bates replied “when we return to Downton he will obviously need time off for the funeral, though she did live locally.”

“Both he and his sister can take off all the time they need,” Reginald replied “we’ll manage.”

As she listened to the conversation, Elsie felt her heart ache for Charles and wished she could be below stairs to comfort him. But she knew she couldn’t. Plus it had been several weeks since she’d last spoke to him and Elsie wasn’t sure if he still wanted to speak to her when she’d practically ignored him for the past month. As she ate her breakfast, Elsie knew what she could do to give him some comfort, but it would have to be at night. She smiled to herself, and decided she’d do it tonight when they returned home.

-x-

Elsie opened her bedroom door and checked the corridor for any signs of life. Confident that the coast was clear, she quickly headed out of her room, and towards the door at the far end of the gallery. She eased it open, and breathed a sigh of relief that it didn’t squeak when she opened it. As Elsie stood by the staircase, she prayed that this was the one she wanted, it wouldn’t do to be caught up in the attics at eleven o‘clock at night. She quickly hurried up the staircase and turned right at the end of the hallway she found herself in. Elsie glanced up at the door nearest to her and breathed a sigh of relief when she realised she was on the right side.

With the exception of meals and a walk into the village with Maria to speak with Reverend Travis, Charles had practically secluded himself up in his room. He hadn’t even known his mother was that ill. From what Maria had told him, the first inclination she’d had that their mother was ill had been when she paid her visit the previous day. Despite knowing that there was nothing he could have done to help her, and it was an irrational thought, Charles couldn’t help but feel guilty that he had been in London while his mother lay dying 200 odd miles away.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a quick a knock at his door. He knew it wasn’t his sister, as she wouldn’t come here this late, plus even if she did Mrs Smith would probably be right behind to make sure that she didn’t go into any other room than that of her brother’s. He quickly got off the bed, and opened the door and was shocked to see Lady Elisabeth stood there a book in her hands.

“Milady, what are you doing up here?”

“Can I come in? I don’t want to be found stood in the bachelor’s corridor,” she replied.

“Of course,” Charles said standing aside to let her in. He closed the door behind her, and watched as she sat down on the chair beside his bed. He then moved over to his bed and sat down on it so he was facing her. “So what is it you wanted milady?” he asked. It had been a while since they had spoken while alone and he had to admit, he had missed it.

“I thought I told you to just call me Elsie when we’re alone,” she chided “or at least Lady Elsie if the thought of being informal worries you,” she added “anyway, I’m here as I have something to give you,” she finished holding out the book.

“But I gave this to you,” Charles said when he realised what the book was.

“I know, and I felt that currently you would want something your mother gave you.” she commented, watching as he opened the front cover and read the inscription.

Elsie watched as tears filled his eyes, and moved from the chair to sit alongside him so she could place a comforting arm around his shoulders. She briefly wondered if her reputation would survive it, if she were caught in a footman’s bedroom at night in her nightdress, but decided her friend was far more important than her reputation. She held him that little bit tighter as he rested his head on her shoulder and felt his tears soak through the material.

“I didn’t see her enough in those final days. My own mother and I wasn’t even with her when she died,” Charles said when the tears had subsided a little.

“You can’t keep feeling guilty about that. It wasn’t your fault. If my parents had known. If _you’d_ have known, they would’ve made sure that Bates put you on the first train back to Downton.” Elsie replied. Her parents were known for being fair and just employers. There was no way they wouldn’t have let Charles come back to Downton several weeks before they were due to return.

“I know, but when my father died I promised him I’d look after Maria and my mother. I let him down.”

“You did no such thing.” Elsie said straightening up and turning him to look at her, “Your sister can look after herself and I believe you could never let your parents down. They must have been so proud of you.”

“Like your parents?” Charles asked.

“We’ll see,” she replied, as she stood up, “Goodnight Charles,” she added as she walked towards the door and opened it.

“Goodnight mi…Lady Elsie.”

“That wasn’t so hard was it?” she teased, before she checked the corridor and hurried towards the stairs.

Charles shut his door as soon as she was out of sight and smiled for the first time since he’d received the news of his mother’s death. He was glad that she no longer seemed to be ignoring him.

-x-

Elsie walked through the door to her room, just as the gong was rung. As she did, she noticed a book was placed beside her bed. She picked it up and saw that it was the book of Blake’s poetry, with a piece of paper sticking out of the corner. Elsie pulled out the piece of paper, and read what was written on it:

_‘Thank you for letting me borrow this, I’m now returning it back to you.’_

Elsie smiled as she re-read it several times. She then folded it back up and slotted it back into the book. Elsie ran a finger across the cover, unable to stop the smile forming before she shook her head, and sat at her vanity, awaiting Maria’s arrival.


	6. This Night Is Flawless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lines of poetry quoted in this chapter come from Samuel Taylor Coleridge's 'Frost At Midnight'

12 th January 1914

As she watched the snow lightly falling outside of her window, Elsie reflected on the past few months. Following their time in London, and then a sojourn up to the Highlands to stay with some relatives, Elsie had found herself spending more time with Charles. Elsie couldn’t say how or when it had happened, all she knew was that she found herself looking forward to those half days when they would go and sit by the lake and talk. Elsie would even go as far to say that Charles was probably her closest friend. She had confided several things to him that she hadn’t even told anyone else. It was for that reason - at least that’s what she told herself - that she wanted to look her best at the servants ball that evening.

Elsie looked at the dress that she had selected for the evening. It was deep blue, with a sequinned bodice and sheer sleeves. She had gotten it several weeks previously when she’d visited a dressmaker in London, and had been waiting for the right occasion to wear it. Elsie looked up as a knock sounded upon her door and Maria walked in.

“Good evening, milady.”

“Good evening,” she smiled “are you all set for this evening?” Elsie asked as she sat down at her vanity.

“We are milady,” Maria replied “both Mrs Smith and Mr Bates have been making sure we all had jobs to do for the preparations.”

“And what of the preparations for yourself?”

“Milady?”

“Your dress and hair, have you got everything ready?”

“Oh, yes I do milady.” Maria asked, “I only hope…” she began but thought better of it and closed her mouth.

“You only hope what?” Elsie replied turning to look at the maid and noting a hint of colour on her cheeks.

“I only hope that Stephen notices milady.”

“Stephen?” Elsie asked with a frown as she tried to recall any servant she might have crossed with that name, “isn’t that one of Lynch’s grooms?”

“It is milady,” Maria nodded.

“Then we’ll make sure I’m dressed quickly, so you can have plenty of time to get ready,” she smiled, “and I insist upon that.”

* * *

As the ball began, Elsie was sat at one of the tables, beside Edith and Sybil. They had come up from Crawley House where Mary had sequestered herself (alongside her parents who had been living there since her announcement several months ago), deeming the servants ball to be too much excitement when she still had a month to go. Matthew had wanted to stay with her, but she had insisted he enjoy his last servants ball before becoming a father. Elsie watched as her father approached Mrs Smith at the same time as Mr Bates approached her mother to open the ball. After a few moments of watching, Elsie, Sybil and Edith were asked to dance by Mr Molesley, Branson and Mr Barrow, while Matthew danced with Miss Baxter.

Sometime later, Elsie had danced with the majority of the male servants and had fulfilled her duty as daughter of the house. She was stood leaning against one of the pillars watching the servants. She could see Maria stood talking animatedly with a young man she guessed was Stephen. Daisy was dancing with William while Gwen was laughing with Mr Barrow. Out of the corner of her eye, Elsie could see Mr Bates and Mrs Smith stood talking and smiled, she’d always suspected there was something between the butler and housekeeper. Judging by little comments she’d overheard the maids making, it would seem her suspicions were correct. She frowned slightly as she saw Sybil deep in conversation with Mr Branson. They seemed far too close. Though Elsie couldn’t pass judgement. To any outsiders, her friendship with Charles would seem as though they were too close.

Even as Elsie watched the other servants, she found her eyes drawn to where Charles was dancing with one of the younger maids. She knew it was completely irrational on her part, but she couldn’t help feel jealous of the maid, and the other women he had danced with that night. Elsie couldn’t begrudge the man a chance to dance with some of his female colleagues that was the point of the servants ball after all. But when he had danced with the female members of her family yet not her, it wasn’t hard for the cold stab of jealousy to hit her.

Elsie had been looking forward to it all night, it would be the one time that she hadn’t had to force laughter or fake a smile with the people she had spoken too or danced with. As her eyes swept across the hall once again, Elsie caught sight of Charles making his way over to her.

 _Its about time_ she thought.

“Might I have this dance milady?” he asked as the band struck up another song.

“You may,” Elsie replied as she accepted his hand and followed him out into the middle of the hall, amongst the other couples.

As they moved around the floor, both wondered what it would be like if the circumstances were different. If they were both titled, or both servants. They also thought on how it had been at least several weeks since they’d spent time together.

“Its been a while since we’ve properly talked hasn’t it?” she asked breaking the silence that had hung around them as they’d danced.

“It has, but then Christmas is always busier than usual for the servants,” Charles replied.

“Well, wait a few moments,” Elsie commented as the song came to an end, “then meet me in the library,” she added as they separated.

Charles checked that no one was watching as he slipped away and walked towards the library. Though Mrs Smith was known for having a sharp pair of eyes, Charles hoped that with all the people in the hall, she wouldn’t actually notice him. Besides it wasn’t as though he was doing anything wrong. Lady Elisabeth had asked to speak to him, and he was just following orders. At least that’s how he’d explain it if he was caught.

Charles opened the door to see Elsie stood beside the doors to the grounds that had been opened. At the sound of his footsteps, Elsie turned around and smiled at him, before turning her attention back to the outdoors. Charles moved over to stand beside her, and they stood staring out into the inky blackness lost in thought.

“Shall we go outside?” she asked

“Isn’t it a little cold?” Charles countered

“So what?” Elsie shrugged, “we’re young and carefree, what’s a little cold, when we have plenty of time to be sensible.”

“But no one knows how long we’ll be around for.”

“Then all the more reason to live a little,” she smiled, with a slight, mischievous glint in her eye.

The snow crunched under their feet as they walked out of the library and into the grounds. As neither had their coats, they daren’t go further than a few feet from the doors. As they come to a stop, Charles noticed her shiver a little, and shrugged off his suit jacket, before he draped it around her shoulders. Elsie smiled up at him, as she felt his fingers ghost across her shoulders as he straightened it.

“This is my favourite kind of winter evening,” Elsie commented, as she took a deep breath of the cold, crisp air, the feel of the frost nipping at her nose and cheeks.

Charles looked over at Elsie and noted the joy that was evident on her face. In the back of his mind he recalled a conversation they’d had a couple of months back, and what one of her favourite poems was and he felt several lines were appropriate for the moment;

“ _Betwixt the tufts of snow on the bare branch_

_Of mossy apple tree, while nigh thatch_

_Smokes in the sun-thaw; whether the eave-drops fall_

_Heard only in the trances of the blast,_

_Or if the secret ministry of frost_

_Shall hang them up in silent icicles,_

_Quietly shining to the quiet Moon.”_

Elsie smiled as she recognised the lines, he was speaking

“Coleridge, Frost At Midnight,” she commented, “that’s one of my favourites.”

“I know,” he replied, “I remembered you saying it was the only Coleridge poem you liked,” he added with a smile. Elsie returned the gesture, but the smile fell from her face as she noticed a strange look in his eye. One she felt sure she’d seen before, but hadn’t been able to put a name too.

Both Charles and Elsie were aware of the tension between them at that moment. They could feel it growing by the moment as they shared a look. Blue eyes locked to brown. Without thinking both leaned in. Just as their lips were about to touch, a noise from the library caused them to stop. Even though they knew they should, both found it hard for them to actually move apart.

“Elsie?” Sybil called, her voice piercing the dark.

“Yes,” Elsie called back, finding her voice, as she finally straightened herself up, and put a bit of distance between her and Charles. Even though it would only have been Sybil that found them, she didn’t want to do anything to risk him losing his job. She also quickly pulled off his jacket and handed it back to him, “what is it?” Elsie asked as Sybil came into view.

“Your mother’s looking for you,” Sybil replied. As she looked at the two people in front of her, Sybil surmised that she had interrupted something and felt sorry that she had.

“Alright,” she said with a tight smile as she watched Sybil head back towards the ball. She then turned and gave Charles an apologetic look, “thank you for the company,” Elsie added.

“Any time,” Charles replied “I like to think we’re friends enough to do this.”

“We are,” she smiled, before turning to walk back inside. As she neared the door, she felt Charles take her hand. Elsie turned back to face him, wondering exactly what it was he wanted. Charles let out a small breath and raised her hand to his lips. He kissed it lightly, before letting it drop. She smiled brightly at him, before she turned and hurried inside.

That night, both fell asleep with smiles on their faces, as their hearts put a name to the feelings their conscious minds had yet to acknowledge.


	7. Revelations

2013

As they exited the Abbey, both Charles and Elsie were glad to see that it had stopped raining. Both were also glad that the feelings of déjà vu seemed to have waned. Away from the ghosts that seemed to haunt the place, it was easier to think clearly about the situation. To dismiss it as a fleeting moment of getting caught up in the history of the abandoned house.

“So where is it you live?” Elsie asked as she put her bag into the boot of the car.

“Just outside the village,” he replied “should we share a car or…”

“I think its best if I follow you,” Elsie commented, “otherwise you’d be without transport if you were needed.”

Charles nodded in reply, and headed towards his car. As he drove out of the Abbey gates, Charles couldn’t help but reflect on the events he’d experienced today. The last time he’d visited the Abbey, he had been five years old, and he had just seen it as an old building that his father and grandfather were custodians of. But today, it had seemed as though he was a part of the building’s history. He shook his head to clear the thoughts. _You’ve read to many books,_ he thought, before letting his mind turn to the woman in the red car behind.

As she followed Charles’s car through the village, Elsie realised that he was taking her on a little tour of the village. It was odd, but there were parts of the village that seemed familiar to her. As though she’d played on the village green as a child, or attended services at the small church. Thankful that she had the radio on in the background, Elsie used a small button on the steering wheel to turn the volume up to try and shake off the memories that she was sure were not hers.

Five minutes later she pulled up behind him, outside a small house on the end of a row of three houses. Elsie looked up at the detached house, and picked out the little details that made it seem like home. She couldn’t help but compare it to the town house that had been split into two flats that she called home. Though she had her closest friend in the flat below hers, from the outside it wasn’t as home like as Charles’ was.

“How long have you lived here?” she asked as she followed him inside.

“Its been about eighteen months now,” he replied “I moved back to the village when my grandmother got sick to help my family,” he added as he shut the front door behind her.

* * *

Elsie walked around the house, familiarising herself with the layout. Charles had told her to make herself at home, while he had gone to the little corner shop to get a few extras. As it was only small, the bedroom and bathroom were on the second floor, the first floor was practically one room with only a breakfast bar of sorts separating the living room from the kitchen. Elsie sat down on the sofa, facing the patio doors, and pulled out her phone.

“So you’re still alive then?” Beryl asked by way of greeting when she answered.

“It would seem so, no ghosts or collapsing masonry,” Elsie replied “and no mad serial killers waiting in the wings,” she added as the two started laughing, “how’s Leila?”

“Her usual self, she and Daisy are watching Brave,” Beryl replied “Leila, do you want to speak to Auntie Elsie?” she called out, and Elsie could clearly picture her niece shaking her head, “well at least you could say hello.”

“Hello Auntie Elsie,” Leila called.

“Thanks for looking after her Beryl,” Elsie said.

“Ah its nothing,” Beryl replied “so tell me all about this Charles Carson you’re up there with?” she asked “is he good looking?”

Elsie rolled her eyes at her friend. Beryl was always looking to set her up with someone. She guessed it was because Beryl herself was currently loved up and wanted everyone else in a similar state. Still Elsie did have to admit, Charles certainly was good looking and not that much older than her. _No harm in giving her a little scrap of information_ , Elsie thought as she settled back into the cushions on the chair.

\-----

As a thank you for letting her stay, Elsie had cooked them both dinner. It hadn’t been anything fancy, just a simple pasta dish. After dinner, they had settled on the sofa with a glass of wine, and just talked about their lives. Elsie had told him all about the gallery she worked for in London and how one day she would love to have her own photography studio. Charles told her all about the publishing company he worked for in York. He had originally worked in Oxford but had transferred to their York branch when he moved back to Downton. The conversation had then turned towards their families.

“So, there’s no one special in your life?” Charles asked, wondering why he was asking this question.

“No,” Elsie replied, “not many men willing to take on a 33 year old raising her 9 year old niece,” she added before she finished off her glass of wine and watched as he nodded in understanding.

“You said it was a long story, can I hear it?”

Elsie placed her empty glass on the table, and turned on the sofa so that her back was against the arm rest and her legs were crossed in front of her.

“I was five when my sister was born, and I was so excited,” Elsie began “I’d always been jealous of those that had siblings, their own built in playmate. Anyway, everything was fine until she was about six months old, it was then that my parents noticed that Becky wasn’t developing as she should be. In those days everyone knew everyone, so they took her to the local doctor, who had, had a daughter several years previously, and she’d been the same as Becky, slow to develop but otherwise fine,” she added. “Eventually she went to the same school that they had taken this other girl to. She soon caught up to where she should be, she was bright, funny and just like every other teenager, and probably my closest friend.”

Here she paused to take a sip from the glass that Charles had refilled while she’d been talking as he’d guessed she may need it. As Elsie set the glass back down, she took another breath before continuing.

“When Becky was eighteen she started dating this guy, he wasn’t violent or anything, just involved in a few questionable dealings. His parents never really liked her, didn’t think she was good enough for their son. It wasn’t long after that, that she fell pregnant. To give Alan his dues, he did the right thing as my dad called it. They were happy, both doted on Leila, she was such a happy baby you couldn’t not love her. Just like her mother. Long story short, they died in a car accident when Leila was two, as they knew his parents weren’t exactly delighted to be grandparents, and ours were retiring to Italy, custody went to me. That was 7 years ago.”

“What’s Leila like?”

“She looks just like Becky did at her age,” Elsie smiled “bright as a button, and currently wants to be Merida from _Brave_. She doesn’t see my parents that often as they retired and moved to Italy about five years ago, and her paternal grandparents, see her maybe twice a year. She was supposed to be staying with them this weekend, but something came up and they dropped her back at mine,” she said, “don’t worry, she’s not on her own, my friend Beryl who lives in the flat below mine is looking after her.” Elsie added hastily, on seeing the look on Charles’s face. “Anyway, you never finished telling me what happened to the Crawley’s, are there any I could speak to about life in the house?” Elsie asked changing the subject.

“Sadly not. There aren’t any Crawley descendants, not any more.” Charles replied, “the only ones I can think of would be the relatives of Matthew’s wife, Mary. But the Strallan line died out and the Branson line is now based solely in America.”

"What of the youngest Crawley. You told me about Matthew and Patrick, but what about their daughter?”

“I don’t know,” Charles replied, “the only thing I know, the only thing I was ever told about Lady Elisabeth was that she was a nurse during the Great War. Apparently my great grandfather never talked about her. But I always thought there was more to it.”

“Why?”

“Because whenever I asked my grandfather about her, he often tried to change the subject. I think his father told him more than he wants to admit to. Its weird I’ve seen pictures of all the Crawley’s but never her.”

“Maybe one day you’ll find out and write a book.”

“I have often thought about it,” Charles commented, “but you need the time to work on a passion project like that.”

“I know,” Elsie replied “I’ve wanted to do this for years. I could only do it now, because a friend of mine, Anna, who owns the gallery where I work, said it would make a great exhibition.”

“She wasn’t wrong,” Charles commented, “you could also turn it into one of those coffee table books you always see. I know a few people who would buy it,” he added “and I know someone willing to publish it,” he finished with a smile.

XXXXX

As Elsie slowly came too, she realised she wasn’t led on a bed, but against someone. Elsie smiled as she felt the person holding her waist tightly. It had been a long while since she’d had anyone to fell asleep with. Elsie wanted nothing more than to stay there for a few moments longer, but she could already feel her muscles beginning to protest at the thought of staying in this position a moment longer.

She sat up, massaging her neck from where she’d slept awkwardly. She turned her head slightly and smiled as she saw Charles leaning back against the armrest. One arm positioned awkwardly from where it had been wrapped around her. For a moment, Elsie watched him sleep, and found herself wanting to touch one of the unruly curls that hung against his forehead. No sooner had she thought about it than she had the oddest feeling she had done it once before. In a previous life. Elsie shook the thought away, and gently shook Charles awake.

Charles blinked as he slowly came to and for a moment Charles smiled up at her, the last dregs of sleep leaving his subconscious. He was fairly sure it had been her in his dream or at least someone similar in appearance to her. As he awoke properly, he realised that he was led on the sofa, still wearing his clothes from the day before and noticed that Elsie was biting her lip slightly. It was then he realised that they had fallen asleep curled up on the sofa. Charles felt a little colour rise in his cheeks as parts of his dream came back to him, and he prayed he’d had no reflex reactions during the dream otherwise it would be embarrassing. He surreptitiously looked down at his lap, and was relieved to see that there had been no stirrings. Or if there had, they weren’t noticeable now, and Elsie hadn’t noticed anything at all.

“Guess we were both tired huh?” Elsie asked breaking the silence.

“Must have been,” Charles replied, sitting up properly, “what time is it?”

"A little after eight,” she said, “do you mind if I use your shower?”

“Not at all,” Charles replied, “I’ll make breakfast,” he added as he sat up and headed towards the kitchen.

As they both set about getting ready, both marvelled at how right this domestic set up felt, even if it had only been a day since they’d properly known each other.

\--X--

“So your grandfather used to be a hall boy, in the early thirties?” Elsie asked as they drove through the streets of Downton.

“He did,” Charles nodded, “he got promoted up to second footman the winter of 1938, which was a really good thing as at that point the Crawley family were hanging onto Downton by their fingers. Then of course, World War Two happened and like his father before him, he joined the army.”

“And when your great grandfather worked there, did he get promoted?”

“My great grandfather, who I’m named for, started out as a hall boy in 1902, then was promoted through the ranks, by 1911 he was first footman,” Charles replied “at one point, I think he wanted to be Butler there, but for some reason he never went back into service after the War.”

“What did he do?”

“He took over the post office, when the old postmaster retired. He never went back to Downton, even though he continued to live in the village. Even when the Crawley family finally gave up and asked him to be a custodian of the house, and just try to keep it from falling down, he never went up to the Abbey. He left it to other family members namely my father and grandfather.”

Elsie was about to ask Charles if he knew why his great grandfather never went back to the Abbey, when they pulled up outside a cottage just off of the village green. Elsie got out of the car, and followed Charles up the garden path towards the front door. As she watched him unlock the door, Charles explained how the house had been in his family for generations having belonged originally to his great, great grandparents.

As they walked through the house towards the back garden, Elsie noticed the pictures on the bookcase. She could see that they were all pictures of the Carson family. She could see that Charles looked just like his great grandfather, but with different eyes. Elsie could also see that all the Carson men had the exact same nose. On reaching the decking at the back of the house, Elsie saw a man sat at a table, with a box in front of him.

“Elsie,” Charles said as they approached him, “this is my grandfather, Peter Carson.”

“Nice to meet you Mr Carson,” she said, holding out a hand for him to shake.

“You look exactly like her,” Peter said by way of greeting as he shook her hand,

“Who do I look like?” she asked with a frown, as she and Charles sat down opposite him, she had never been mistaken for anyone, ever.

“Lady Elisabeth Crawley.”


	8. Change Is Coming

August 1914

The garden party was in full swing. As was usual, Mrs Smith had pulled it off with great aplomb. Elsie looked over the shoulder of her mother, and scanned the grounds of Downton. She saw Matthew sat with Mary and their seven month old son George. By the tent that had been set up for the servants to replace empty glasses with full ones, she could see Sybil and Tom talking with Gwen. Elsie smiled as she recalled Sybil going out of her way to help Gwen in her ambition to be a secretary. It made her wish she had been a little bit more interested in the other servants that lived and worked at Downton, not just Charles and Maria.

“Have you seen William Stourton around?” Isobel asked, as she noticed her daughter’s attention wandering.

Elsie repressed an eye roll at her mother’s question. She knew full well he had only be invited to the garden party as he would become the 25th Baron Mowbray upon the death of his father and inherit Allerton Castle, a mere 13 miles south of Downton Abbey. She had gotten on fairly well with him when they’d met at a dinner party in London the past season, but he just wasn’t what she wanted.

“No, I haven’t,” she replied, as she took a glass off of the tray that Charles had just brought over. She shared a quick glance with him, as both were well aware that she had seen him talking to Mary and Matthew earlier, when she’d been attempting to hide from her mother’s matchmaking attempts.

“It would be a good match.”

“I think I’ve had about two proper conversations with him, hardly a basis for knowing if it’s a good match.” Elsie replied, she knew her voice had carried as she heard Charles snicker as he walked away. In that moment, Elsie was glad that her mother could not read her mind, as she was thinking about how good a match she and Charles would be. _In another life_ , she sighed internally.

*****

Sometime later, Elsie was stood leaning back against the large tree in the grounds. She liked the tree as it provided her with a level of shade that the tents or her usual hiding place couldn’t. She closed her eyes for a moment, and breathed in the sweet smell of Summer. Plus it also meant she could hide from William Stourton, who had been trying to catch her alone all afternoon. Something, Elsie suspected her mother’s hand in. Elsie smiled as she heard someone approach her. She would know those footsteps anywhere.

“Hiding again?”

“You know me so well,” Elsie replied, as she slowly opened one eye to see Charles stood in front of her. “How did you get away from the roving eyes of Bates and Mrs Smith?”

“An exemplary record,” Charles smiled, “plus they were busy and as long as I’m back serving soon, they’ll never notice I was gone,” he added as he brushed away a loose lock of hair that had fallen to the side of her face.

Rather than move his hand away from her face, Charles moved it so he was resting his open palm against her cheek. Elsie tilted her head slightly, so her cheek was resting more fully in his palm.

As they had several months back, both Charles and Elsie found themselves leaning in towards each other. Both were safe in the knowledge that the tree hid them from sight, so neither held the fear that they would be seen. Their lips were inches away from touching, when the soft music that had been playing in the background broke off awkwardly. The sudden silence caused them both to jump apart, and look around the tree trunk.

Elsie looked over and saw her father, stood several feet away from the band, a telegram in hand. As they sensed it was something important, both Charles and Elsie moved out from behind the tree and stood nearer the band, close enough to hear what was being said.

“…can I ask for silence, because I very much regret to announce, that we at war with Germany.”

Almost without thinking, Elsie found her hand reaching for Charles’. As she felt his hand squeeze hers, Elsie turned her head slightly and shared a look with him. Both felt reassured by the touch, especially as they knew that change was on the horizon.

*****

Elsie changed quickly, by herself, as she had told Maria to go and spend some time with Stephen as he would invariably sign up. It was for that reason that she was hurrying downstairs before the rest of her family. She knew she would find Charles either setting up, or standing beside the drawing room door, waiting for them to arrive. As she suspected she found him in the drawing room laying out some drinks.

“Drinks before dinner?” Elsie asked as she came up behind him, smirking a little, as Charles seemed to jump lightly.

“Lord Grantham thought a drink might be needed following the announcement earlier,” Charles replied. Elsie nodded in reply, she could understand the reasoning.

“I guess you’ll be down the recruitment office tomorrow morning,” she commented, trying to keep her voice light, and not let the worry show.

“I have to,” he replied simply as he turned to face her. Elsie smiled grimly, she’d expected as much. Of the many things that Charles believed in, doing your duty for King and Country was one of them.

“You will write to me won’t you?” Elsie asked, “I’ll just worry otherwise and I’ll probably drive Maria crazy if I keep asking after you every five minutes,” she added.

As she dipped her head, she noticed that during their brief conversation their hands had ended up entwined. Charles rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand, and was about to say something when they heard the voices of her parents from outside. They quickly stepped apart and Elsie sat down in one of the chairs.

“You’re down early dear,” Reginald commented as he and Isobel walked in, closely followed by Bates.

“I told Maria, I could finishing dressing myself as she had other things to do,” Elsie replied.

As Elsie listened to her parents discuss the coming War, she caught Charles trying to discreetly catch her attention. As she turned her head to face, she him nod barely at her. Elsie smiled to herself, she guessed she would have to head into Ripon to get some extra stationary.

******

In the days that followed, everywhere Elsie looked she saw signs of people preparing for the coming months. Her parents had spoken to Doctor Clarkson the day after the garden party, and would be helping out in the hospital, just as they had during the Boer War. Several of the men she was friends with had either already gone off to France or were reporting for training. Even her own brother, was getting ready to leave for France at the end of the next week and would be leaving behind his wife and seven month old son. Elsie prayed Matthew would come through it as she couldn’t bare to see George grow up without his father. Plus Elsie really didn’t think her mother would be able to cope if she lost both her sons in the space of two years.

*

Charles walked back to the house from the village. In just two days, he’d be due at the training camp in Richmond and he had taken a chance to take a last look at the village, knowing that it would be a long time before he could feel this sense of home again. As he walked past the notice board, Charles noticed a poster advertising a dance in York the following afternoon. Charles smiled to himself, he knew how much Lady Elisabeth liked to dance, and wondered if she’d be able to get away to attend with him. He would more than likely have to recruit Maria to help him out. Especially as he doubted that Lady Elisabeth owned anything that could pass for an outfit worn by a farmer’s daughter or a maid at a great house.

As Charles walked up the drive, he noticed a solitary figure walking across the grounds in the direction of Jackdaw’s castle. He smiled as he realised exactly who it was and changed the direction he was walking in.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked as he walked up the few steps to the spot where Elsie was sat.

“You never have to ask,” Elsie smiled as she looked up at him, and patted the space next to her.

“Is something wrong?” Charles asked as he sat down beside her and noticed that she seemed a little preoccupied.

“Matthew had a letter from his general,” Elsie replied, “he’s now leaving this week instead of next,” she added “I had to get some air, both mama and Mary are worried sick.”

“And you’re not?” Charles asked, frowning when she turned her head and refrained from looking at him.

“Not as much as I am about you,” she whispered, hoping he wouldn’t hear her confession. Charles couldn’t quite put a name to the feeling that bloomed in his chest at her words. All he knew was that they warmed in a way no words had ever done before.

“Are you free tomorrow?” he asked changing the subject.

“I can be, why?” she replied turning back around to face him.

“There’s a dance at the village hall in York tomorrow, I thought you might like to go,” Charles commented “with me,” he clarified, “we could go with Maria and Stephen, if you didn’t want it to be just the two of us,” Charles added hastily.

“I’d like that,” Elsie replied, “even if we have to take others with us,” she smiled.

\--x--

It had been an enjoyable afternoon out, and had given Elsie a chance to have fun with friends, without having to worry about how she should behave. She had invited Sybil to come along just so that she could tell her parents that she was spending the day with her, without arousing suspicion. Plus she knew it would give Sybil a chance to spend some time with Tom without having to keep using the Crawley’s chauffeur when her family had their own.

The small group walked back up the drive, enjoying the last remnants of the evening. So they could prolong the evening a bit longer, they took the road that led them round the side of the Abbey to the servants courtyard. While Maria and Stephen took a walk over to the stables, and Sybil and Tom headed in the direction of the chauffeurs cottage, Charles and Elsie headed towards the courtyard.

As Charles and Elsie stood in the courtyard, both savoured the quiet. In their ears they could still hear the music from the dance hall. So as Elsie wouldn’t be seen by anyone, they had secluded themselves away in a quiet corner.

“Thank you for today,” Elsie said, “it made a change from being Lady Elisabeth.”

“You did seem to enjoy it more than the usual balls you attend,” Charles laughed.

Elsie bit her lip, and looked up at him. Everything about this moment reminded her of that night several months back at the servants ball. The cool evening air, the stillness of nature. All that was missing was the snow. Elsie took a step closer to him, and saw him do the same. As they stood toe to toe, they both knew that this was what they had been building to. Every moment they had shared since the servants ball had been leading them to this moment. Charles placed a finger under her chin and tilted Elsie’s head up, before dipping his head slightly. Both could feel the others breath and they noted how their breaths seemed to be perfectly in sync.

Almost instinctively, Elsie moved her arms so that her hands came to rest on his shoulders. At the same time, she felt Charles move the hand that wasn’t tilting her head up to rest against the small of her back. They continued to stare at each other for a moment. Elsie felt her tongue dart out to lick her lips. A small part of them wondered where the interruption was just as there had been all those months back. Then, almost as if an invisible force compelled them, their lips finally met in a sweet kiss.

After a few moments, Elsie felt Charles pull her closer in order to deepen the kiss. As he did so, she moved her arms further around his neck, allowing her hands to lightly rake through his hair. Both felt as though the whole world could disappear around them and they wouldn’t even notice.

As they pulled apart, both stood just simply watching the other, arms still wrapped around each other. The only sound was from their own hearts beating. Charles felt a soft smile appear on his face, and could see the same expression mirrored on Elsie’s. The sound of footsteps on gravel, made them remember where they were, and they both felt the colour rise on their cheeks.

“I think I should go,” Elsie said as she broke the spell by stepping back slightly, “see you at dinner?” she asked biting her lip.

“Yes you will,” Charles replied, “see you at dinner, mi…Elsie,” causing her to gasp. It was the first time he’d called her anything other than ‘milady, Lady Elisabeth or Lady Elsie’. The thought made her heart leap. Before she turned to leave, Charles took a step closer and gently kissed her once more.

*****

Elsie sat on the dock, her feet dangling in the lake, her mind unable to stop replaying the kiss. She knew she had nothing else to go on, no other frame of reference, but she couldn’t help but feel as though that kiss had shifted her axis. It had made her feel as though she could have melted right there and then wrapped up in his embrace. That had been three weeks ago, before he’d reported for training. But now that was over and tomorrow he’d be on his way to France.

She heard footsteps behind her and turned to see Charles stood behind her. Elsie was about to stand up when she saw Charles remove his boots, socks and roll up his trousers before he sat down beside her. She watched as he placed his hand over hers. Almost immediately Elsie turned hers over so that their fingers could lace together.

“What time do you leave tomorrow?” Elsie asked, breaking the silence that had settled between them.

“I’m on the 6 o’clock,” he replied, “are you coming to wave me off?”

“What excuse could I give for being up that early?” Elsie replied “plus I believe several of the staff are coming to say goodbye at the station. I’d just look out of place.” she added.

“So this is our goodbye then?”

“No, not goodbye,” Elsie replied “you will see me again and I know how to make sure of it.” she added as she reached behind her, and unclasped the chain around her neck.

As she held it out to him, Charles could see exactly what necklace it was. It was a small silver chain, with a silver plated sapphire at the end. It had been given to her by her maternal grandmother on her 16th birthday, three years previous.

“I can’t take this.”

“You once gave me a book that was very dear to you,” Elsie replied, “so now I’m giving you something dear to me,” she added “I want it back in one piece, so _you_ have to come back in one piece,” she finished with a smile as he took it out of her hands and slid it into his breast pocket.

Elsie rested her head against his shoulder and breathed in deeply, wishing this moment could last forever. That time could just stand still and let them have this last moment of Summer, before everything changed. Charles removed his hand from hers, and moved it to rest around her shoulders as he pulled her closer to him. They stayed this way for several moments, as they watched the progress of several ducks.

As they sat in silence, both Charles and Elsie, found the words they’d be longing to say for months, tumbling around their minds, in a jumbled whirl. Words that were just waiting to be said. However, neither could summon up the courage to actually say the words.

Elsie felt Charles shift slightly, and pulled her head away from his shoulder to get a better look at him.

"What is it?” she asked, as she noticed he seemed to be deep in thought.

Charles took a deep breath, he knew he would have to tell her what was going through his mind. Otherwise she would keep needling him until he did.

“I love you,” Charles said simply.

“I love you too,” Elsie replied, glad that one of them had finally said it.

Under other circumstances she would have teased him a little about the look on his face. However, she could tell that it cost him everything to actually say those three words. Which given the difference in their circumstances and in society, was wholly understandable.

Elsie leaned in and lightly brushed her lips against his. As it deepened, both felt the truth of the words they had just spoken. Due to the position they were sat in, they soon broke apart from the kiss to avoid any discomfort.

They turned their attention back to the ducks, both content to sit in silence, and enjoy the last few moments of peace. Charles pulled out the pocket watch that had once belonged to his father, and checked the time.

“We should probably go in,” he commented breaking the silence, “its almost time for the gong to be rung,” he added standing up.

“You can go in if you wish,” Elsie replied, “I think I’m going to stay here for a little while longer.”

Charles nodded and lightly kissed the top of her head as he turned to leave. He hoped he would have a chance to speak to her privately before they went up to their rooms. He knew it would be the last night he spent at Downton Abbey, for a long time, and so he wanted one of his last conversations there to be with someone he truly cared for.

As he reached the end of the dock, Charles turned to look back at Elsie. She had stood up and had her back to him, and he could tell by the way she was looking up at the sky that she was trying to stop the tears. He noticed that she was being framed by the sun, and it was as though she was a hazy illusion. Charles knew that War’s were often long, bloody businesses, and there was a good chance he wouldn’t come back (regardless of what he’d heard several commanding officers say). So he took a moment to memorise every aspect of this moment in minute detail, from the clear sky, to the gentle breeze through the trees and the way she looked in the pale blue dress. It would be a poor substitute for the real thing but it would be an image to get him through the long separation they’d have to endure.

Charles turned to leave, and was half way down the dock when he heard Elsie call his name. He turned back and saw her hurrying towards him, her eyes shining with the tears he knew she’d shed when he had gone.

“Prom,” she began for pausing to take a breath, “promise me you’ll come back,” she said, her voice cracking on the word ‘back’.

“I promise,” he replied, as he pulled her close. Both were well aware that it was an empty promise. As neither could be sure that the War would leave Downton untouched.


	9. I'll Save Your Notes

_Charles left the Abbey at half past five that morning, accompanied by his sister, and practically half the staff. In the breast pocket of his uniform, he could feel the paper envelope that he had been slipped under his door the previous night. He had recognised the writing as Elsie’s and had intended to open it, but there was a note on the back instructing him to not open it, until he was either on the train, or on the boat over to France. He turned around to get a last look at the Abbey, unsure when he would next see it. Charles’ eyes automatically searched out Elsie’s bedroom, and as he looked up, he could see her stood watching at the window, her hand against the glass in a static wave. When they were together it was easy to forget the boundaries of class and society, but now it made him think of their differences. She the princess in the gilded tower, he, the lowly footman who felt he could never be worthy enough for her._

Charles found himself pulled out of his thoughts when the train made a stop just outside of Cambridge, and several more soldiers got on the train. He watched them, closely, a little jealous of those who had their sweethearts to kiss them goodbye at the station. He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out the necklace Elsie had given him yesterday by the lake. As he did so, his hands brushed against the letter she’d given him. He pulled out the envelope and slid the letter out of it.

_My dearest Charles,_

_It feels weird to be writing to you when we are both in the same house, only a few floors between us. However, I fear that if I see you tonight, I may just break down and beg you not to leave. You have always been a part of my life ever since my family moved into the Abbey. I don’t know, how I’ll manage without the one person I can talk to about anything. All I can do, is hope that it will not be a long War, and it won’t be long until you return back to where you belong. Back to Downton. And back to me._

_I wish you to know, I meant it when I said I loved you. I don’t want you to think I only said it because you were going off to fight. Your sister has already warned me off breaking your heart, and rest assured it is the very last thing I wish to do._

_Be safe, my soldier, and take my love with you,_

_Yours,_

_Elsie_

Charles found himself smiling as he read the letter, not at all surprised that Maria had given Elsie a talking to. At two years his senior, Maria had always been protective of him. Charles shook his head, knowing Elsie as well as he did, he knew that she hadn’t said anything lightly, but it was nice to have it confirmed in writing. Charles could see where Maria was coming from though, compared to what he had, any Lord or high society male could show up and sweep her off of her feet, even if there was a War on. Charles folded the letter back up, and returned it to his breast pocket. He’d write a reply later, but for now he was content to sit back and relive the dying moments of Summer sun from the previous night. The memory of which would carry him through the tough times until he saw her again.

*****

_My darling Elsie,_

_It seems as though its been years since I last saw you. Though in reality, it has been only hours. Had you come to my room last night to deliver the letter in person, or even speak to me, I would have found it hard to leave. To leave you. The person who over the past year has become my closest friend._

_I have committed the time we spent by the lake yesterday to memory. It shall live there, ready to be recalled at a moments notice until I can see you again. I hope that it will be soon as already I can sense this separation will be hard for the both of us. My sister may have warned you about breaking my heart, but there is no one I’d trust with it more than you._

_Ever yours_

_Charles._

_#########_

_Cora thinks we’re mad, but mama is completely thrilled. She sees it as me following in her footsteps, and Sybil showing great maturity in wanting to help others. But its more the fact that I can’t bare to be sitting around, doing charity events for the county, well the men fight, and many of the women have taken up jobs to help the War effort. It’s not as though we’ll be in the fields of France alongside the soldiers, we’ll be safe and at the hospital. A ten minute walk from the Abbey._

_\----_

_I wouldn’t pay attention to any one who says you or Sybil, shouldn’t be nurses. I can think of no two people finer to nurse Yorkshire’s wounded. You’ll both provide them all with the most reassuring of presences._

_\----_

_It seems so strange to be working in the hospital, yet at other times there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. Its as though I am helping you in some way. As though every wounded soldier fought alongside you, or may have even saved you._

\-----

_The one thing I take comfort from is that at night, I can re-read your letters by the light of a friend's lighter. It also reassures me to know that I can look up at the stars and know they are exactly the same as the ones you can see from your window._

\-----

_It was fairly shocking to have Mary’s sister Edith announce she was marrying Sir Anthony Strallan. It seems that they had gotten on well when they’d met at Downton last February, and had met up several times in London. The wedding is to be in London, in April. I can already see my dear mama making comments about me looking for husband. She does know there is a War on right?_

_She has already been making comments about me writing letters to someone at the front. She has no idea its you though. Given half the chance I’d shout it from the top of the Abbey, but I do not want to be married off to some Italian Lord and you without a job when the War is over._

_\----_

_Even if you feel differently about it, I’m sure Lady Grantham is just looking out for you. From the way I’ve heard the senior staff talking, out of both you and your brothers, you are her favourite. She just wants to make sure you have the best life imaginable._

_############_

June 1915

As she walked down the street, Elsie had never been so glad that her day off had coincided with one the time that Charles was on leave. She neared the little tea shop and quickly looked around to check there was no one who would recognise her, before she pushed open the door. As she expected, it was almost full of shoppers, or just people catching up. Elsie scanned the tables as she looked for Charles. She smiled as she saw him sat at a table in the corner, unable to believe it had been almost ten months since she had last seen him. As he was sat facing the door, Charles had seen her the minute she’d walked in and just let the image of her sink in. He stood up as she approached him, and pulled out the chair opposite for her.

“Hello,” Elsie smiled as he sat down in front of her.

“Hello,” he replied as she poured the tea out of the teapot. “I hope you don’t mind, but I ordered a selection of their tea cakes for us to sample,” he added worried that she might find it too presumptuous.

“I don’t mind at all,” Elsie said as a waitress brought a small cake stand over, “I’ve missed you,” she added as she reached across the table and took his hand in hers. Both longed to reach over and to share more kisses like they had back in August, but due to the public nature of their current situation, they both resisted the urge.

“I missed you too,” she replied as she took a sip of her tea.

For the next couple of hours, Elsie filled him in on several developments at the Abbey that she hadn’t mentioned in her letters. The most notable being that Mary was once again expecting and Sybil was secretly seeing Tom.

“So where are you staying while on leave?” she asked they exited the tea shop, and headed towards the end of the road where Branson was waiting with the car, “you’re surely not staying at the family home,” Elsie added, as she knew that he and Maria were renting it out to a small family.

“No, Mr Bates was kind enough to let me have my old room.” Charles replied as Branson opened the door for her.

"Then we’ll give you a lift back,” Elsie commented “and say we saw you in the village. And as long as Tom doesn’t tell,” she began looking at her friend who shook his head, “you can sit in back with me, until we get there,” she added, “no arguments,” she finished with a tone of finality.

“You heard the lady,” Tom commented, as he indicated the space next to Elsie on the seat.

########

_Mama, is of course, completely beside herself. She has another grandson. There was also one or two little asides about how I should be thinking about marriage, War or no War. But I can’t think of any other Lords, or anyone else for that matter. Not now. Not when my heart is too full of my own soldier._

\------

_Though nothing is set in stone just yet. I believe our regiment is to be given some time off either at Christmas or in the New Year. I’m hoping for the latter, so that we once again we may share a dance at the servants ball. And if not, we’ll just have to find time to dance on our own._

######

12 th January 1916

Just as it had two years previous, there was snow on the night of the servants ball. Just as Charles had hoped his regiment had been given four days leave the week of the servants ball. He would have to leave to return to the battlefield the following day, but his mind was only focussing on his chance to dance with Elsie. Charles was fairly sure it was down to the fact that he was in his uniform and the fact that there was considerably less men than previous years, but he had found himself to be a popular choice of dance partner that evening. As a result he hadn’t really had a chance to dance with Elsie bar a brief little dance at the beginning of the ball. But now he had the chance to dance with her again.

“About time,” she muttered as he took her into his arms ready for a waltz.

“Sorry,” Charles replied, “you do know you are the only person I really wanted to dance with tonight, don’t you?” he asked as he spun her around.

“I do,” Elsie smiled, “when this song has finished,” she began, biting her lip, “shall we head into the library?” she asked, as she recalled a moment from the servants ball a two years back. As he nodded his head in reply, Elsie couldn’t help but smile. She hoped that this night, would banish the memory of the last servants ball they had both been at.

Ten minutes later, both were stood, in the grounds of the Abbey, in the same position they had been two years previously. Only this time, they stood closer than they had then. Charles’ hand lightly stroked her cheek, as their foreheads touched lightly.

After a few moments, Charles removed his hand from her cheek and placed it around her waist, as he lowered his head slightly so that their lips could touch. Elsie was about to deepen the kiss when a noise from the library caused them both to jump apart. As she put some distance between the two of them, Elsie turned to see Sybil and Tom stood in the doorway. Both breathed a sigh of relief that it hadn’t been one of her family or one of the other servants.

“Sorry,” Sybil commented as she broke the silence, “it seems I’m always interrupting the two of you,” she added sheepishly, “come on,” she said pulling Tom away from the pair, “lets find somewhere else,” she finished as they turned and left, leaving both Elsie and Charles alone once more.

As the snow began to fall once more, their lips met again, creating a moment of pure magic for the two of them. One of those perfect moments that both knew they’d remember for the rest of their lives.

#######

_It seems as though every day now, my family are getting news of someone that we know has been killed. I wake up every day wondering if the next letter we receive will bring news of you being killed. If that happened, I don’t believe I could bare it. I know I say this every time I write, but please keep yourself safe. Or as safe as you can possibly be._

_\------_

_My darling, rest assured that I am keeping myself safe. The thought of you is what keeps me safe. You are never far from my conscious mind. Or subconscious as I find whenever something is about to happen an image of you works its way to the front of mind, and acts as a talisman. You are the one that keeps me safe. And I promise to tell you it again when I next see you._

As Charles read back over his letter a plan began to form in his mind. He may get his heart crushed by Elsie for even considering it but he knew he would regret it if he didn’t at least ask.

######

October, 1916

Charles walked quickly through the grounds of Downton Abbey. He knew it was a day that Elsie had off from nursing duties as she had specifically mentioned it in her letters when he told her he hoped to get this weekend off. But he’d been in the grounds for half an hour now and he hadn’t found her. She wasn’t by Jackdaw’s castle, and she wasn’t in the gardens. Charles was about to go back inside and see if she was hiding inside, when it suddenly occurred to him where she would be. Charles quickly changed course and headed towards the lake.

Just as he had thought, he found her by the lake. Charles took a moment to look at her stood at the edge of the dock, in a simple purple day dress and a light shawl. It had been eight months since he’d last seen her and he wanted to commit this moment to memory in case they endured another long separation.

Elsie felt someone’s presence behind her and turned around to see Charles stood at the opposite end of the dock. She smiled at him and slowly began to walk in his direction. Charles met her halfway and pulled her into his arms. As she buried her head into his neck, Elsie felt Charles lift her up off of her feet.

“I’ve missed you,” Elsie said into his neck.

“I’ve missed you too my darling,” he replied as she pulled her head back to look at him. It was then that Elsie leaned in, and lightly brushed her lips against his. As she moved to pull away, Charles caught her lips in another kiss. This time it was deeper and more passionate as they poured the pent up longing of an eight month separation into it.

After several moments, they broke apart and Charles set her back down on the ground. Rather then step apart though, they kept their arms wrapped around each other, foreheads touching. As was their little tradition on his return, Charles reached into his breast pocket and pulled out her necklace. Charles unclasped it, and placed it around Elsie’s neck. She would wear it, until the night of his departure and then return it to him. Charles pressed a light kiss to the nape of her neck.

Elsie turned around and took his hand in hers, leading him towards a blanket that had been set out on the grass by the lake. They sat in companionable silence, enjoying the rarity of the hazy October sunshine, a mild breeze whipping around them.

Neither had any idea how much time had passed, all they knew was that the sun was slowly starting to set. As he looked at her in profile, Charles couldn’t help but recall the dream he’d had while in the trenches. To his mind, there was no better moment than this. No moment more perfect.

“Now I know I have nothing to offer you and you'd probably be better off with some Lord with his own estate.” Charles began.

“Maybe, but he wouldn't be you.”

“Do you mean that?”

“I do,” Elsie replied with a smile, “I’d rather be with you, than any dull Lord.”

“Are you sure you know what you’re saying?” Charles asked, if he was going to do this, he wanted there to be no doubt in her mind about him and he wasn’t about to get his heart crushed.

“I’m 21, I can make my own decisions,” Elsie replied, knowing where the conversation was likely to go from here, “I know what my life will be like if I choose you and I want that life. I choose to be happy. And that means being with you.”

“So will you then?” Charles asked, “Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” she replied almost instantly.

“And right here, right now, I promise to spend the rest of my life devoted to your happiness. So that when you look back on your life you have no regrets about this decision.” Charles commented, as he picked up a blade of grass and tied it around her finger. “When the War is over, before man and God, I’ll give you a proper ring, but for now please take this as a symbol of my promise to you.” he finished before placing a light kiss to her lips.


	10. Secrecy

November 1916

Elsie smiled as she looked at the blade of grass that poked out from the pages of the book. As much as she had wanted to, Elsie couldn’t quite bring herself to wear it constantly. She didn’t want to get it shredded, or ruined. Plus Elsie, really didn’t want to have to answer any questions about it. So she had recalled everything her governess had taught her about flower pressing, and had adapted it to suit the blade of grass. She had placed it in the book of Blake’s poetry that he had gifted her on her eighteenth birthday. She had thought long and hard about which pages to place it between and Elsie had eventually decided to place it on the page that held one of her favourites: _The Lilly_. To her it spoke of love in a pure form, that while people in love may have individual flaws, their love should not.

She closed the book and placed it on the bedside table, before heading downstairs. This would be the last night that Downton Abbey, would just house the family and servants. Tomorrow, the many wounded would arrive and they would become a centre of recovery for the wounded officers that were currently at the hospital. Though it did annoy her that they could only help the officers of the higher ranks and not all of them. Both she and her father had campaigned hard to make it happen, but Doctor Clarkson had over-ruled them.

“Is everything all set for tomorrow?” she asked as she saw Mrs Smith about to head back down to the servants hall.

“It is milady. The hall boys removed some of the larger furniture this afternoon, and they’ll finish it off tomorrow.”

“I hope it isn’t too much extra work for all of you.”

“When it comes to helping those soldiers what’s a little extra work?” Mrs Smith shrugged, before going through the door.

Elsie watched as the housekeeper walked away and briefly wondered what her life would be like, had she been born to a different family and gone into service. _At least I wouldn’t have to keep my engagement a secret_ , she sighed as she headed towards the library.

#########

_It seems strange to suddenly have the house full of strangers. We’re used to it just being us and the staff, but now we have soldiers sleeping in the drawing room, and our unused bedrooms. At least I no longer have to go into the village to work, which pleases mama no end if I have to work at night._

_\---_

_I can imagine how it must feel to find yourself sharing your home with strangers. However, I know you my darling, and no doubt it pleases you to know that you are making their recovery that much more comfortable and reassuring them with your gentle presence._

_\---_

_I so wish you could have been there at the concert. I would have enjoyed hearing you sing If You Were The Only Girl In The World alongside everyone else. You can’t say you don’t sing, you sang for me when we danced down by the dock last June._

_\---_

_My singing is for your ears only, my darling and it was a one time performance. However, I might be persuaded to sing again when I’m next back on leave._

#########

Charles dropped back into the trench, caked in mud and blood (some his own, the majority belonging to those he had fought alongside). All around, he could see signs of similar carnage. That battle had been one of the bloodiest battles for a while. Charles and several of his fellow soldiers had experienced several near misses. The last one the worst of them all. Still, Charles thought, at least the majority of us made it out alive.

That night, he couldn’t help but reflect on the fact that he had very nearly died. The more he thought about it, the more he thought about how Elsie would take it. They may be together, but outside of a select few, no one knew about them. While he knew they couldn’t announce anything yet a plan began to form in his mind. This latest battle had shown him that any moment could be his last. While that was true enough for anyone, during a War it seemed to be magnified. As he pulled out a piece of paper to write his next letter to Elsie, Charles could only hope that she would be agreeable to it.

_The one thing, the near miss showed me, was how important it is to take the chances when they come to you. I know we agreed that we’d speak out after the War, but I have been thinking, and if you are agreeable, as it would have to be kept entirely secret, when I return on leave in September, would you marry me then?_

Elsie read, and re-read the closing lines of the letter, scarcely able to believe them. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to marry him, because she did. She just couldn’t believe that Charles would want to marry in secret. At the thought of a secret marriage, Elsie felt a tingle of excitement travel down her spine. Plus if they were already married, there would be little her parents could do when they announced it. Elsie pulled out a blank sheet of paper and began to compose a reply.

_I can think of nothing better than to become your wife, sooner rather than later. Of course we will have to choose witnesses we can trust, I think we can count on Maria, Sybil and Tom for that don't you agree? I cannot wait until, I can sign my name as Mrs Carson._

_\---_

_I agree, I can think of no finer witnesses then our closest friends. I would include Stephen, but we can’t guarantee if he’ll be on leave then._

########

September 1917

The plan had been executed to the highest degree. As far as Mr Bates and Mrs Smith were aware, Charles wouldn’t be returning until later that day. Maria, Tom, Elsie and Sybil had gotten their stories straight. Tom was visiting his cousin in Liverpool, while Elsie, Maria and Sybil were spending the day in York. From York, Maria, Elsie and Sybil would take a train to a small village just outside of Carlisle where they would be met by Tom and Charles. From there it would be a short drive to Gretna Green and then they would be married.

Rather than wear something white, that could easily get stained, and maybe draw a little too much attention to them, Elsie had settled for the same purple dress she had been wearing when Charles had proposed to her. It meant more to her, than a white dress that she would wear once, and then put away. She may take it out and use it for a daughter if she was blessed with one. But essentially, it would only be worn once. _At least this way_ , Elsie thought, _whenever I wear it, I will have fond memories of this day._

The three women exited the train carriage, and stepped out onto Blackwell station. While Maria and Sybil looked for the exit signs, Elsie looked around for any sign of Charles and Tom. There was a small part of her that was nervous, that something would happen, that Charles’ plans for leave had been cancelled at the last minute. There was even smaller part of her that was hoping that the worse hadn’t happened and a telegram was on its way to Downton at this precise moment in time.

They were about to head out onto the street, when Elsie felt someone tap her on the shoulder. Elsie turned around, fearing that it would be someone she knew, and wouldn’t think twice about telling her parents. Her fears evaporated, when she saw that it was Charles.

“Hello Miss,” he smiled, “I’m at a bit of a loose end, would you like to marry me today?” he asked.

“Oh I don’t know, it’s a big decision,” she smiled, “of course I will,” she added as she threw her arms around him. Mindful of the fact that there were in public, Elsie placed a light kiss to his cheek, before she pulled back and moved back into a more restrained posture.

“Tom’s outside,” Charles commented as he caught sight of Maria and Sybil. Sybil quickly hurried ahead of them, while Elsie followed giving the two Carson siblings a chance to catch up.

“You ready for this?” Maria asked. She knew where her brother’s heart lie and how it was firmly with Elsie, but she wanted to be sure he knew what he was doing.

“I am,” Charles nodded in reply, “did you bring it with you?”

“I could only find the plain one,” Maria replied handing him over a small piece of cloth, Charles could feel the thin circle of the band. “I didn’t have time to look for the diamond one,” she added.

“That’s quite alright,” Charles said as he looked at the gold band, “this will do for now.”

“Come on then,” Maria said grabbing his arm, “let’s go marry off my little brother.” she smiled.

The journey to Gretna Green was only twenty minutes, but to both Charles and Elsie it felt so much longer. As they had the backseat to themselves, Elsie spent most of the journey leant against Charles’ side. He had already shown her the ring, and had been relieved to find that it had fitted her perfectly.

On arrival at the small village, Sybil, Tom and Maria headed straight towards the Blacksmith’s shop, while Elsie and Charles lingered a bit behind.

“I know you dreamed of a church wedding…” Charles began, suddenly worried that she was going to change her mind.

“At one point,” Elsie commented, cutting him off, “now, as long as I marry you, I don’t care where it is.”

“But you deserve to have a proper wedding.”

“It will be a proper wedding,” Elsie insisted, “and when it’s all out in the open we can have a church blessing. Or even have it in a registry office,” she added before she leaned in and kissed him lightly. Elsie slid her hand into his and pulled him in the same direction that their friends had just gone in.

\------

“Alright,” the blacksmith said, as Elsie and Charles stood in front of him, with Sybil, Tom and Maria behind them, “you both declare that you wish to be married to other, I bring the gavel down on the anvil and then you’ll be married.”

“And will it be legally binding?”

“Yes,” he replied, “We even have a register you can sign,” he added as he waved a hand in the direction of a lectern in the corner of the room, “so who would like to go first?”

“I will,” Elsie replied.

“Alright then miss, you just say your full name and that you declare this man to be your husband.”

“I, Elisabeth Jane Crawley, do declare Charles Nathaniel Carson to be my husband.”

“I, Charles Nathaniel Carson, do declare Elisabeth Jane Crawley to be my wife.”

“Then in front of these witnesses, I declare you to be married,” the blacksmith said as brought his hammer down on the anvil.

At that moment, Charles decided that even if this wasn’t a traditional wedding, he was still going to be traditional. He turned to face Elsie and placed his mother’s ring back onto her finger, before he pulled her close and kissed her deeply.

“I love you, Mrs Carson,” he said when they pulled apart.

“I love you too,” she smiled, before they moved over to sign the register accompanied by their friends.

The ride back to the train station was the same as it had been on the way to Gretna Green. Only this time it was met with teasing about the two newly-weds about not kissing in the backseat. As she had done earlier, Elsie leant against Charles’ side, with his arm draped over her shoulder and her left hand twined with his so that they could both admire the gold band.

Due to the secrecy surrounding their wedding, Charles and Elsie couldn’t have a proper wedding breakfast. So when they returned to York, they were going to stop off in a tea shop, while Maria and Sybil had a look around the shops that were open. Their plan for the journey back was just as well thought out, as the journey to Gretna Green had been. By the time they returned to Downton, Tom would have come back from his ‘visit’ to his cousin and would be waiting at the station to pick them up. Charles had told Mrs Smith and Mr Bates that he would be arriving on the London train that arrived just before the York train so Tom would be able to take them all back at the same time. In later years, Charles would wonder how they managed to pull it off without anyone finding out. However, at the moment, he was just too happy to worry about anything other than making sure his new wife was happy.

-X-X-X-X-

Elsie sat nervously on the edge of her bed. It had only been fifteen minutes since she’d seen him briefly in the hall, but it felt a lot longer. She knew that whatever was going to happen tonight would be of her choosing. That Charles wouldn’t push her into anything, but at the same time, this was to be her wedding night, so Elsie knew what she was expecting to happen. She had changed out of her evening gown and into a light green silk nightdress. Elsie had forgone Maria’s help this evening, as she wanted to get ready by herself. Plus while she may like Maria, and loved the fact that they were now sisters, Elsie really didn’t want Maria to help her this evening considering the fact that this would be the first night she and Charles spent together. Though part of her wished the marriage was public knowledge so that she could ask her mother at least for reassurance purposes.

A quick knock at the door brought her out of her thoughts. Elsie quickly pulled on her robe, and headed towards the door. She opened it and saw Charles stood there. Elsie quickly checked the corridor (even though she knew Charles would’ve already done that) before she pulled him inside.

Once the door was shut securely, Elsie turned to face Charles and smiled at him. He smiled back, but could sense there was something troubling her.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked as he guided her over to her bed and made her sit down, before he knelt in front of her.

“I am,” Elsie nodded, “it’s just nerves,” she added a little shyly.

“That’s understandable,” Charles commented, before he pressed a kiss to her hand, “but we don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to,” he added with a reassuring smile.

"Thank you for that,” she smiled, before she leant in and kissed him lightly.

\----

Sometime later, Elsie awoke to the unfamiliar, but not unpleasant sensation of bare skin against the soft cotton of the bed covers. Elsie also smiled as she felt another person behind her. She smiled even more as she caught sight of the plain gold band on her left hand. She raised herself up slightly, and breathed a sigh of relief that the fire had yet to be lit. It meant that she could sneak Charles out, or at least hide him, before the kitchen maid came to light the fires. She turned over so she could face him, and pressed a light kiss to his nose. Elsie watched as his eyes slowly opened and Charles smiled up at her.

“Good morning,” he said sleepily.

“Good morning,” she smiled as she leaned down to kiss him. The kiss soon turned passionate, and Elsie soon found herself on back with Charles hovering above her. “What time is it?” Elsie asked as his lips moved from hers to place kisses along her collar bone.

“Why?” Charles frowned raising his head to look at her.

“I don’t want the kitchen maid to find you when she comes in to light the fire,” Elsie replied as though it was obvious.

Charles reached over to the night stand and looked at his fob watch, “it’s almost three am. Daisy won’t be up for a while yet,” he smiled, drawing a laugh from Elsie. A laugh which soon turned to a gasp as Charles resumed his earlier ministrations.

Elsie opened her bedroom door, and looked in both directions. As she realised the coast was clear, she signalled Charles to let him know that he could get away without being seen.

“I’ll see you soon,” she smiled as she reached up to give him a last kiss. Charles’ arms snaked around her waist and pulled her closer.

“I wish I didn’t have to leave you,” Charles commented as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave either,” she sighed, “but soon, we won’t have to. Soon we’ll be able to be together publicly,” she finished as she punctuated the statement with a final kiss, before sending him on his way, with promises to meet him by the lake later that day when she had a free hour.

\-----

_I often find my mind wandering and imagining our life after the war. I imagine us in a small house somewhere. Just me, you and whoever else may come along. That’s not news by the way, it’s just my imagination._

_XXXXX_

_I guess we have that in common. I too find myself thinking about what our life will be like when all this is over. Of course my main train of thought, is if I can outrun your parents when they learn of our secret._

_XXXXXX_

_I wouldn’t worry too much about my parents. If it comes to it, I’ll just leave them a note and run away in the middle of the night. Besides there isn’t much they can do about it now. The records show that I’m Mrs Carson, and there is nothing they can do about it._

XXXXX

_You cannot know the thrill I get seeing you refer to yourself as Mrs Carson. Though I feel the thrill will be greater when you publicly announce yourself as such._

_XXXX_

_I just couldn’t bare it seeing Matthew like that. He seemed so broken. Mary is of course acting like it’s the worst thing in the world that he will probably never walk again. Or have any feeling from the waist down. But at least she still has him, and their sons. It’s the servants I feel sorry for. They’ve lost one of their own and William was always such a sweet lad. This war is beginning to hit really close to home, and I will be glad when all of this is over. Please keep yourself safe. I nearly lost my brother in all of this, I can’t lose my husband._

########

October 1918

Elsie hummed to herself as she danced around her room. Over tea, her father had shared the news that all the signs were showing it would only be a few more days, a week at most, before this whole War was over. She had been secretly married for a year now, and was glad that soon she’d be able to declare it publicly before everyone. Elsie smiled as she imagined the end of her mother’s matchmaking schemes, and the endless circle of balls and dinner parties she had grown bored of, before she was even out in society.

Elsie finished checking her hair in the mirror above the fireplace when she heard her bedroom door open. On seeing it was Maria she smiled at her before she turned to face her. As she noted the look on Maria's face, Elsie felt the bile rise up into her mouth and all of a sudden felt faint. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not when the War was days away from being over. She gripped the mantelpiece so tight that she could see her knuckles turn white. Her free hand automatically moved to grasp the chain beneath her dress.

"I've had a telegram" was all Maria could manage to say.

Elsie didn't need to hear anymore. She knew what the telegram would say. “Ca…can I read it?” she asked as she held out her hand.

Maria wordlessly handed the telegram over, and remained close at hand. Elsie unfolded the paper, and saw her vision blur as she read the words ‘killed in action’.

“Are you alright?” Maria asked, as she noted that Elsie had suddenly gone very pale.

“I’m fine,” she replied, just before everything went black.


	11. A Little Fall of Rain

In the days that had followed the telegram's arrival, Elsie had moved as though on autopilot. She carried out her nursing duties, made small talk with her family and the patients, but she was just imitating the signs of life. Anyone that dared to look close enough could see the signs of heartbreak.

At night, she would remove the chain from around her neck, place the thin gold band back onto her ring finger and spend most of the night crying into her pillow, and getting no more than a few hours sleep a night. She just couldn’t bear the injustice of it all. Nothing about this was right. Nothing was the way it should be.

She had thrown herself into her work at the house, it was the only way she could get through the day without crumpling into a heap. Elsie knew her mother was worried about the amount of time she spent working, but Elsie had found that she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Three days after the telegram had arrived, Reginald had told them all that the War was over, instead of feeling elated and happy, Elsie just felt numb, She was supposed to end the War a happily married woman. Not end it as a clandestine widow, unable to mourn Charles as nothing more than a servant to her family.

\-----

Down in the servant’s hall, the mood was just as subdued. They had lost two of their own and countless others from the village as well as some that had worked in the grounds. Both Mrs Smith and Mr Bates had told Maria to take plenty of time to herself, but - like Elsie - she found work a useful distraction from the pain of losing her brother. Especially considering she had no other family, bar Elsie, though she couldn‘t acknowledge that fact publicly.

“Telegram for you Maria,” Bates said as he walked into the servant’s hall, causing everyone to jump to their feet.

Maria quickly tore open the telegram and read it, while the other servants sat down. She re-read the words once more and raised a shaky hand to her mouth.

“What is it?” Mrs Smith asked, wordlessly Maria handed over the telegram to the housekeeper who read it aloud, after a nod from Maria; “Mix up at War Office. Stop. Pte. Carson alive. Stop. On train back to Downton. Stop. Sincere apologies for any distress caused. Stop.”

“That’s wonderful news,” Bates replied, “and just as the War is over too.”

“It really is,” Maria smiled as she took the telegram back, before she stood up and headed out of the hall, and went to look for Elsie, “have you seen Lady Elisabeth anywhere?” she asked a nurse, who she knew worked with Elsie often.

“She said something about spending her half day, down by the lake,” the nurse replied, “though she might have changed her mind, it’s started to rain and she didn’t take a coat with her.”

Maria thanked the nurse, and headed back to the servants hall so she could get her coat. Maria mentally sighed, wondering why Elsie had chosen to go outside when there was a chance of rain, she hadn’t been feeling well at all the past couple of days. Maria had tried to get her to rest, but Elsie was adamant on continuing with her nursing. Maria had to admit, she admired the way that Elsie covered up any coughing fits and headaches. She recalled the moment earlier that day when Lady Grantham had caught up with her;

“ _You dress Lady Elisabeth don’t you?”_

“ _I do, milady,” Maria nodded_

“ _Is she alright?” Lady Grantham asked “Only, I’ve noticed she’s not been eating that much recently, and she looks far too tired and drawn for my liking.”_

“ _I haven’t noticed anything too unusual,” Maria replied, ‘it’s only her heart breaking,’ she added silently, “I think she’s just working a bit too hard.”_

“ _I thought as much,” she muttered “will you tell me if you notice anything?”_

“ _Of course milady,” Maria replied before heading back to her cleaning duties, “Lady Grantham,” she called as she turned back around._

“ _Yes?”_

“ _I don’t know if its anything, but I’ve also noticed her complaining of headaches, and there’s been the odd coughing fit, recently.”_

“ _How many?”_

“ _I’ve only seen her discreetly coughing twice, but they were both today.”_

“ _Thank you for telling me,” Lady Grantham commented. “I’ll force her to rest this afternoon.”_

As soon as Maria reached the bottom of the stairs, she was cornered by Mrs Smith, who asked her to help with a check of the linen cupboard. Maria followed the housekeeper, knowing there would be plenty of time to catch Elsie later that day.

-x-x-

As she walked through the grounds, Elsie enjoyed the feel of the rain against her skin. She knew she probably should’ve taken a coat with her, but she had just needed to get out of the house. The house where everywhere she turned she was assaulted by memories of him. As she reached the path that led down to the lake, Elsie suppressed another coughing fit. Elsie knew she should probably be resting, but she couldn’t bear to be shut up inside her room, with only her thoughts. At least outside, however under the weather she was feeling, she had the beauty of autumn to distract her.

Elsie stood looking out over the lake. She smiled to herself as she recalled the moment that Charles had proposed. As she recalled the elation, Elsie felt the familiar sensation of tears coursing their way down her cheeks.

“Oh go away,” she sighed quietly to her tears, “I don’t need you right now,” she added. Elsie tilted her head up to the sky and let the rain mingle with her tears in the hopes that she’d soon be unable to distinguish between them.

-x-x-

He walked around the castle towards the servant’s entrance. Charles breathed in the crisp Yorkshire air, tinged with rain. That quintessentially English smell and smiled. It felt good to be home after all this time. After a particularly vicious battle, Charles, along with several comrades, had returned to their trench to find that they had been incorrectly reported as dead. As the notices had already been sent, there was little to do, but have them returned to London and then put on trains to their respective towns and villages, with telegrams accompanying them. Charles hoped that the telegram had already arrived and that they were aware that he was alive. He especially hoped Elsie was aware of it, as he could only imagine what the past few days must have been like for her.

Charles entered the servant’s courtyard to find it practically empty. This didn’t surprise him as it was the middle of the afternoon and they would all be completing their afternoon tasks. Or serving tea to the family. The only servants around were the few young hall boys that were stacking empty crates.

He opened the back door, and stepped inside to see Maria stood by the door to the housekeeper’s sitting room. Maria turned at the sound of the door opening and smiled as she caught sight of her brother. Immediately she ran to him and hugged him.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” she said, “hopefully your return will have Elsie back to normal,” she added in a whisper, mindful of Mrs Smith watching from her sitting room doorway. “Later,” she finished as she could see Charles was about to question her, and Mrs Smith approaching them.

“Welcome home Charles,” she smiled as she patted his arm. He smiled in response. Mrs Smith had been something of a mother figure to him in the months following the death of his mother, and had sent him a few letters while he’d been overseas.

“It’s good to be home,” he replied as Mr Bates joined them.

“It’s good to see you back in one piece,” Mr Bates said as he shook Charles’s hand, as the clock chimed in the distance, “has Mrs Patmore got the tea ready to go up?” he asked.

“Yes, Mr Bates,” Maria replied, before the butler hurried away to serve tea to the family. “Mrs Smith, would it be alright if I helped my brother get settled back in?”

“Have you completed your afternoon tasks?”

“All except some mending on one of Lady Elisabeth’s dresses,” Maria replied “but she doesn’t want the dress until the weekend.”

“Alright, but no more than thirty minutes.”

“Yes, Mrs Smith,” Maria replied, before she and Charles turned and headed towards the stairs.

Five minutes later, Maria was sat on the bed in his room and filled him in on the events of the past few days, while Charles looked through the drawers in his room.

“Has she really been that bad?” Charles asked. He had figured that Elsie would’ve taken the news hard, but he hadn’t quite imagined she’d react like this.

“Well, I’ve only noticed that she looks tired and doesn’t seem to have gotten much sleep,” Maria replied, “plus Lady Grantham said she hasn’t been eating that much.”

“I told her she was to look after herself,” Charles muttered as he found the box he was looking for. “Hopefully, this might cheer her up,” he added, as he showed Maria what was inside the box, “does she know about the mix up?”

“I haven’t had a chance to tell her yet,” Maria replied, “I was helping Mrs Smith earlier.”

“Then I’ll have to tell her in person,” Charles smiled, “where is she?”

“One of the nurses said she was down by the lake,” Maria smiled, “go on then. Go find your wife.”

\------

Charles whistled to himself as he walked through the grounds. His feet automatically headed in the direction of the lake, he knew he would find Elsie there. And he could think of no finer place to add his mother’s diamond ring to the golden band he had given her on their wedding day.

As he neared the lake, Charles frowned that he couldn’t see any trace of her. While it had stopped now, it had been raining quite heavily this afternoon, it wouldn’t surprise him if she was somewhere inside the Abbey. He almost turned to head back towards the Abbey when something deep inside, made him continue in the direction he was heading in. As he reached the dock, Charles saw a figure slumped in a heap. He knew instantly that it was Elsie. He would know her anywhere.

“Oh God!” he exclaimed as he hurried over to her. Charles knelt beside Elsie, and rolled her over so she was led on her back. He pressed a hand to her cheek and realised that she was cold to the touch. There was no telling how long she had been outside. He recalled how to take a pulse and breathed a sigh of relief as he realised that she had one, faint as it was. Charles knew he had to get her inside and fast. Charles scooped her up into his arms and began to head back towards the house.

“Elsie,” Charles said, as he walked quickly, “Elsie love, can you hear me?” he added, “come on, let me see those lovely eyes of yours,” he pleaded. Charles breathed a sigh of relief, as he saw her eyelids flutter slightly.

“Charles?” Elsie smiled without opening her eyes.

“I’m here love.”

“No, you can’t be,” she smiled as she opened her eyes briefly, “but you’ve come to take me away haven’t you? Come to take me with you,” she finished as her eyelids fluttered closed again.

Charles was about to try and get her to speak again, when he felt her body go limp in his arms.

“Oh God no!” he exclaimed again as he picked up the pace, “come on love, not like this,” he added as he moved one hand to check the pulse in her neck and smiled grimly as he felt one. Though a fair bit fainter than it had been earlier, and it wasn’t even that strong to begin with.

\----

“Bates, did I see the postmaster arrive with a telegram earlier?” Reginald asked as he took the cup from the table.

“You did milord,” he replied “it seems there was a mix up in the War office and our first footman Charles wasn’t killed in action after all. It was someone else in his regiment,” Bates added “he returned earlier this afternoon.”

“Well that’s wonderful news,” Isobel smiled.

“Elsie will be thrilled,” Sybil muttered under her breath drawing a strange look from Mary.

“Where is Elsie anyway?” Matthew asked.

Any reply was cut off by the sound of an urgent knock upon the front door. Bates hurried out of the library to answer it. As he pulled open the door, he saw Charles stood there, an unconscious Lady Elisabeth in arms.

“I found her down by the lake,” he said as he headed through the door, “I don’t know long she’s been out there.”

“Bates, what’s goi…oh my God!” Reginald exclaimed as he walked out into the hall and looked upon the scene in front of him.

“I was out walking by the lake milord,” Charles explained as he handed Elsie over to her father. He was reluctant to let her out of his arms, but knew that her father would look after her, “and I found her collapsed there,” he added.

“Thank you Charles,” Reginald replied. He was about to say something else, when Isobel walked out into the hall.

“Oh my darling girl, what’s happened?” she asked as she hurried over to her husband and daughter.

“He found her collapsed by the lake,” Reginald replied, “we don’t know how long she’s been out there.”

“What was she doing out there without a coat?” Isobel cried, “she’s been having headaches and coughing fits, it could easily turn into pneumonia,” she added getting a little hysterical, “I nearly lost her when she was a baby, I won’t lose her now. Get her upstairs now, and call Doctor Clarkson,” she finished as she hurried up the stairs towards Elsie’s bedroom, closely followed by Reginald.

“What’s happened?” Sybil asked as she walked out followed by Mary and Matthew. As he watched Mr Bates begin to tell them what had happened, Charles turned to go through the green baize door. There would be time later to visit Elsie, of that he was sure of. They could not end like this. With Maria’s help he’d be able to see her and be by his wife’s side, even if only for a short while.

He had reached the door when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Charles turned around to see Mary stood behind him, Matthew close by. He could also see Sybil hurrying up the stairs.

“Thank you, for finding her,” Matthew commented, “my sister means a great deal to me. There’s no telling how long she would’ve been out there if you hadn’t found her.”

“It was nothing, sir,” Charles replied “I would have done the same for any member of the family,” he added before walking through the door. Mary watched Charles go with a curious look on her face. _Seems like something going on there_ , she thought to herself as she turned to leave.

The mood that hung over the Abbey that night was a sombre one. Doctor Clarkson had arrived, almost as soon as he was called. After checking her over, he had pronounced that Lady Elisabeth had a severe case of pneumonia. He had pronounced that if she hadn’t been out in the rain, or had taken a coat with her it wouldn’t have been so bad.

Even though he couldn’t show it outwardly (or at least not as much as he may have wanted to), Charles spent most of the night worried out of his mind. He had wanted to sneak up to her room, but Maria had warned him off, saying that while she and Sybil were looking after her, Lady Grantham was refusing to leave her daughter’s bedside. It had been then, that Maria had managed to pass him the gold chain that hung around Elsie’s neck and held her wedding ring. He could understand why. It wouldn’t do for anyone, other than those who knew of the secret marriage, to spy the ring and begin asking questions.

As he sat in his bed, Charles looked at both the rings and imagined what it would have been like to see her wearing both. To be able to walk around the village, or wherever they chose to live, arm in arm, with the rings concealed beneath her gloves. Imagined what it would be like to feel the coolness of both the rings at the nape of his neck, as they lay entwined in a lover’s embrace. With a deep sigh, and a silent prayer to whoever may be listening, Charles placed the rings on his bedside cabinet and attempted to get some sleep.

\------

Three days had passed since then. While Elsie had eventually come around, the fever and the high level of delirium brought on by the pneumonia had made it impossible for her to have any kind of lucid conversation. They had told her about the mix up, but there was no guarantee that she had actually understood what she had been told.

Even though they were all hoping beyond hope that she’d get better, they’d seen the look on the doctor’s face. Seen the way she often struggled to breathe. They knew there was a strong chance that she wouldn’t recover.

Charles hurried up the stairs under the pretence of seeing if his sister needed anything. Well, that’s what he would say if anyone caught him. Maria and Sybil had been acting as nurses, and when they knew the coast would be clear, snuck him into the room so that he could at least be, by his wife’s side. Even if it could only be for a short while.

“How is she?” Charles asked as he entered the room

“Not that great,” Sybil replied, “the fever’s worsened, doctor Clarkson has told us to prepare ourselves. We had to literally have Lady Grantham forced out of the room, otherwise she wouldn’t have left,” she added.

“She only left on the condition that one of us went and got her the minute there was the slightest change.” Maria continued, “and that doctor Clarkson was to have a room made up so he could be on call.”

“So there is no hope?” Charles asked, biting back tears.

“Don’t say that,” Sybil replied, as she watched Maria squeeze his arm reassuringly, “we must always have hope. Or what do any of us have to live for?” she added, wishing she felt as hopeful as she claimed to be.

Charles sunk into the chair that was right beside the bed, and took Elsie’s hand in his. _‘Has it always been this small?’_ he asked himself. As he heard the rattle in her lungs as Elsie took another laboured breath, Charles thought about all the things that they would never get to do. They would never get to publicly declare their love for each other. Nor would they get the chance to have a family of their own. As much as he hated the feeling, Charles knew that he didn’t have much longer with her, that all they had left was this night. All he now wanted was to see her blue eyes one last time.

“Charles?” came a weak voice from beside him.

“I’m here my love,” he commented moving to sit on the bed beside her, an arm around her shoulders, as he held her close.

“I…I don’t have much time do I?” Elsie asked, each word heavy with the effort it took to actually say them.

“You have all the time in the world,” Charles replied, trying to reassure her in her final moments. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Sybil and Maria move back from the bed a little, to give them some privacy in Elsie’s final moments.

“I know you’re lying,” she rasped, the rattle in her lungs becoming more prominent. Elsie smiled as she felt his lips brush against her forehead. “I longed so much for you to not be dead. And I’m glad to see you alive, even if I am to die.”

“You’re not going to die,” he said, trying to hold back his own tears. He was losing the love of his life and he was powerless to stop it.

“Promise me,” she whispered, as she struggled to breathe, “promise me you’ll be happy. I don’t want you to be alone,” she added, “promise…me,” she finished as her eyes closed.

“I promise.”

Charles watched as her breathing began to slow. The movement of her chest, almost non-existent. He was blindly aware of Sybil hurrying out of the room, and knew he’d soon have to move. It wouldn’t do for him to be seen this close to the daughter of the house. But he couldn’t bear to leave her side. As he heard hurried footsteps along the corridor, Charles pressed one last kiss to her forehead before moving to a far corner of the room, while Maria took her place near the bed. The door opened and doctor Clarkson came rushing in, followed by Lord and Lady Grantham, Matthew and Mary.

“How long has she been like this?” doctor Clarkson asked.

“Not long,” Sybil replied, “Charles came up to see if Maria needed anything before he went to bed,” she added indicating Charles who was stood in the corner, trying to blend into the wallpaper, “it was then that I noticed Lady Elisabeth seemed a lot worse than earlier. So I came and got you.”

“Is it bad?” Mary asked, her hand on Matthew’s shoulder, reassuring him with her presence.

“I’m afraid so,” doctor Clarkson replied, as he turned to look at her parents and shook his head, letting them know that the time had come, “I’m so sorry,” he finished as they watched as Lady Elisabeth, took her last breath, before she stopped breathing all together.

Charles and Maria turned and left the room, sharing a look with Lord Grantham who nodded and indicated that they should send for Bates and Mrs Smith. The staff would need to be told as soon as possible. As they left, Charles watched as Lady Grantham knelt beside her daughter’s bed and took hold of her hand.

As they reached the door that led to the servants staircase, Maria looked over at her brother and saw the tears coursing down his face. She couldn’t imagine how this felt for him. As she had never lost the love of her life, Maria found she had no words of comfort to offer her younger brother. Even though she felt a little guilty for the thought, Maria couldn’t help but feel extremely grateful that Stephen had made it through the War unscathed, and that they could now make their plans for the future.

\---

Charles opened the front door of the house and stepped out into the rain. Since that night, he had been living back at his family home. The family he and Maria had been renting it to had left a few months ago. This had proven to be useful when he’d returned home briefly back in July as it meant that he and Elsie had a small place where they could spend a whole afternoon together without being interrupted. He was also thankful for the house as it meant he had somewhere to live now that he had left the Abbey. Especially since he wouldn’t be returning there. For the moment, he didn’t need to worry too much about looking for work (though he would in time) as his half of the money more than covered any expenses.

As he walked through the village, Charles nodded at those that he passed. They had all been in attendance at the funeral, all mourning the loss of a young woman who should have had many years ahead of her. From what Maria had told him of life at the Abbey, sorrow was clinging to every rafter. Lady Grantham was barely leaving her room, and Lord Grantham had shut himself away in his study. Sybil had been so distraught at the loss of her closest friend, that she had begged her parents to take her back to London. When they had refused, she had followed Tom to Dublin where he had just gotten a job at a local newspaper.

On entering the churchyard, he walked between the rows of graves, as though on automatic. Charles knew exactly where he was going. Which was useful when one considered the fact that there was no gravestone yet. Just a new patch of Earth and a small marker, marking whose grave it was. He had been coming here once a day for the past few weeks. It provided him with a slight respite from the pain. He was fairly sure he’d never experienced a pain like this before. There was a part of him (and one he hoped would lessen with time) that wanted to die just so he could be reunited with her.

From his pocket, he pulled out a small box, and looked at the two rings inside it. With a little help from Maria, he had gotten the gold band Elsie had worn around her neck. Then he had reunited it with the diamond ring. Never to grace another ring finger.

“You told me to be happy,” Charles said and hoped that wherever she was now, Elsie could hear him, “but how can I be happy without you?”

“I thought I might find you here,” came a voice behind him.

Charles turned around to see Elsie’s sister-in-law Mary stood under an umbrella.

“You loved her didn’t you?” she asked, not waiting for him to ask why she was there.

“I did,” he replied knowing there was no use lying, he didn’t work at the Abbey anymore.

“And she loved you too,” Mary acknowledge, “I don’t believe she would have married you if she didn’t.”

“How did you…”

“Sybil mentioned it, she made me promise not to tell,” Mary replied “well not so much as told me, as confirmed what I thought,” she added, “though my first thought was a little risqué shall we say. But when we got the news that you weren’t dead, Sybil mentioned Elsie would be thrilled, that and the way you looked as you brought her in from the rain, not to mention you being in the room when she died and the fact that you left the Abbey not long after she died.”

“Does anyone else know?” Charles asked.

“No,” Mary replied, “just me and you can trust me to keep your secret,” she added, “they’ll never know she actually died as Mrs Carson.”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but what are you doing here?” he asked, “why were you looking for me specifically?”

“Sybil thought you might like something of Elsie's,” Mary commented as she searched through the pockets of her coat. “Sybil asked Lady Grantham if she could have it as a memento. She would’ve given it to you herself, but she left before she could. So she asked me to pass it on to you,” she added holding out the necklace that had been his good luck charm, “it kept you safe during the War, and I hope it will be of some comfort to you.” she finished as he took it from her hands.

“Thank you.” Charles said, unable to adequately put into words, exactly what receiving the necklace meant to him. Mary regarded him with a sad smile, before she turned to leave.

“You’ll always have a job at the Abbey as long as Matthew or I are there,” she said quietly turning back to face him.

“That’s very kind of you,” Charles replied, “but I feel I can no longer work there. Too many ghosts. Too many memories,” he added. He had made a promise to Elsie that he would be happy. If he was to keep that promise, Charles felt he could never and would never return to Downton Abbey.


	12. At The Beginning (Again)

2013

_"You look exactly like her,” Peter said by way of greeting._

“ _Who do I look like?” she asked with a frown, she hadn’t been mistaken for anyone, ever._

“ _Lady Elisabeth Crawley.”_

“I’m sorry?” Elsie asked.

“How can you be sure grandfather?” Charles asked “we’ve never seen any photographs of her,” he added.

“ _You_ haven’t,” Peter muttered in reply, “Pass me that box,” Peter commented indicating the wooden box that sat on the desk, “when you explained why you were coming by to visit, I decided it was time you got to hear the truth of my father’s time at Downton.”

“And that’s in this box?” Charles asked as he handed it over.

“It certainly explains a few things,” he replied, “the first thing you should know that when he was there, he fell in love, with Lady Elisabeth,” he added as he unlocked the box. “The second thing you should know is that in September 1917, they married in secret.”

“Seriously?” Elsie asked. She was well aware that, that sort of interclass marriage happened on costume dramas, but to hear about it happening in real life was another thing completely. She looked over at Charles and saw his face held the same look of surprise that hers did.

“Yes my dear,” Peter replied as he pulled out an envelope, “my father wrote this a week before he died. I found it atop of this very same box.” he added indicating the box. Charles took the envelope from his grandfather’s hand and opened it, pulling the letter out. Elsie moved to stand beside Charles so she could read the letter as well.

_8th August 1964_

_To my son, Peter,_

_I have lived a long life, and it has been a good one. I have lived through two world wars and saw the coronation of five monarchs. Certain moments in my life didn’t quite pan out the way I wanted them to, but there is little point in regretting what can never be._

_You once asked me why I have never answered your questions about Lady Elisabeth Crawley. I have always avoided the question because it hurt too much to answer it, but now, I feel the time has come._

_I have loved well, and been loved in return. Both you and your sisters know that I loved your mother a great deal, but she was not the love of my life. The love of my life was a woman named Elsie. To be exact, the Lady Elisabeth Crawley, the youngest child of the Crawley family. I may have been a lowly footman and she a lady, but our love was real and not something forged out of the worry of the War._

_The only people who knew were your aunt Maria, and Elsie’s closest friends Sybil and Tom Branson. We planned to tell people when the War was over, but fate had other plans. Not long before the War was over, a mix up in the War Office had left my family and friends to believe I was dead. I returned a week later, and fully intended to give her my mother’s ring. So that everyone would know we were in love. But not long after my return home, she died of pneumonia. My one consolation is that I had time to say goodbye. Even now, 45 years later it still hurts to think about her. To think about the life we could have had._

_That is the reason, I never talked about her. Or visited the Abbey. Everywhere I turned there were ghosts and memories. With her dying breath, she told me she wanted me to be happy. The only way I could keep that promise was to keep our story to myself._

_I also want you to know that your mother was well aware of my relationship with Elsie. She herself had suffered a similar loss during the War. We were friends before anything else, and it was, in part, a marriage of convenience. However, do not doubt for one second though, that we were not happy, because we were. We grew to love each other, it may not have been as strong as the love we felt for those we lost, but it was a love all the same. And believe that not once did either of us long for a different life. You, Irene and Louisa, were the best things that ever happened to us. While we missed our respective loves, we knew there was little point in dwelling on the past, a lesson I hope you have learnt._

_So that is my story. I entrust my memories of that time in my life to you. The jewellery in the box has only ever been worn by one person. I have them cleaned once a month, even though they have never been worn by anyone but my Elsie. Please keep that tradition for me. Also do not sell the jewellery. I know you wouldn’t. But please don’t anyway. There may come a time, when it’s time for them to be stop being hidden away from the world and worn once more._

_Your loving father._

As she finished reading the letter, Elsie felt the traces of tears on her face, she quickly wiped them away and saw that Charles also had a few tears in his eyes. Feeling that it was a slightly private moment for him, she turned away from him and reflected on how weird, yet right, it felt to have seen their names together in a letter about lost love. Not for the first time since she’d met him, Elsie wondered if there may a possibility of a future with him.

‘ _Oh for God’s sake,’_ she chastised herself _‘you only met him yesterday.’_

“What else is in the box?” Charles asked finding his voice.

“Why don’t you have a look for yourself?” Peter replied passing the box over.

As they looked through the box, they saw several photographs of a young woman. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that she was the exact double of Elsie, just with lighter hair. They could also see the family resemblance between the two Charles’. Elsie wondered where the pictures of Lady Elisabeth had come from as the family surely would’ve taken them with them when they left the Abbey. Though as there had been mention of Lady Elisabeth’s friends in the letter, she supposed they must have sent Charles some.

They also found several letters tied together with a string that were practically a hundred years old, two small gold bands, one plain, the other with two diamonds and a necklace with a silver plated sapphire at the end of the chain. As Elsie looked at the pieces of jewellery, she felt a strange pull, as though she was meant to wear them. She picked up the necklace and looked at it closely, Elsie thought it looked familiar as though she had seen it adorning her neck before.

“What’s the book?” Elsie asked as she noticed he had become enamoured with a book, and shook off the image of the necklace.

“A book of Blake’s poetry. It’s a complete collection of his Songs of Innocence and Experience,” he explained “the inscription on the inside says it belonged to my great grandfather. How odd,” he murmured.

“What?”

“There is a blade of grass pressed in between the pages. Specifically on _The Lilly_.” Charles replied.

“That belonged to Lady Elisabeth,” Peter commented causing them both to look at him, especially as he had been quiet throughout their examination of the box’s contents “I read some of the letters,” he shrugged, “when your great-grandfather proposed he didn’t have a ring so he used a blade of grass.”

“But this book belonged to Charles senior,” Elsie replied, “why would Lady Elisabeth have had it?”

“He gave it to her as an eighteenth birthday present, it was one of his only possessions when he worked at the Abbey…”

“And he gave it to the woman he loved,” Charles commented, his eyes finding Elsie’s who dipped her head slightly. Everything about this weekend so far, had resulted in a storm of feelings that she couldn’t put a name too, and that last comment had made her wonder just what the hell it was that was going on. “I think its were time we were going,” he added causing both Peter and Elsie to look at him, “only Elsie does have photographs to take, and she won’t want to lose the light,” he finished.

“He has a point,” Elsie replied, “plus there are a lot of rooms to visit,” she added.

“Ok,” Peter smiled, “you’ll come back and visit though yes?”

“Of course I will,” she replied as she picked up her jacket.

Elsie waved goodbye to Peter as she turned and walked out to the car, to give Charles a chance to say goodbye to his grandfather.

“Take this with you,” Peter said as he held out the box.

“But why?” Charles asked “you’ve had it all these years.”

“I have a sense about these things,” Peter replied, “one day, you may find you have need of something in here,” he added as he nodded in the direction that Elsie had just walked in. “They do say history repeats itself.”

Charles shook his head at his grandfather, he’d always suspected his grandfather was a bit of a romantic. Now he had proof, as Peter Carson clearly wanted there to be another Charles and Elsie. Even if they had only met properly for the first time yesterday. “Goodbye Grandfather,” he said as he closed the box and picked it up before leaving.

“Goodbye,” Peter replied, “and don’t forget what I said,” he called at his grandson’s retreating back. He moved over to stand by the window and watched the two talk beside the car, and how Elsie placed a reassuring hand in his arm. As he watched the car drive away from the kerb, Peter wagered he’d definitely be seeing Elsie again.

As they drove back to the Abbey, silence swirled around the car. Both were lost in thoughts of what they had learnt from Peter. While Charles had grown up knowing that he looked like his late great-grandfather, it was another thing to know that the woman sat next to him was the splitting image of a woman, said relative had been in love with, and married to. Especially when Elsie boasted no connections to the Crawley family. Well, that he knew of anyway. His father, Nathan, had researched the Crawley family and had found no illegitimate descendants on any side.

“Are you alright?” he asked noticing the subdued nature of his passenger.

“Fine,” she replied, not really feeling fine at all, and more than a little confused about everything.

-X-X-

Elsie stood in the middle of the hall, and looked up at the old building. The peeling plaster along the fireplace, the dim sunlight shining softly through the broken glass of the roof. The faded tapestries on the wall. Everything spoke of a time when decadence was currency. She hoped that the photos she had taken, would be able to capture the haunting beauty of the abandoned building. The faded relic of a bygone era where you could still see the magnificent opulence that had once coated its walls.

As she looked around, she found her thoughts returning to Lady Elisabeth Crawley. A woman who had knew enough about her mind, and her own mind to choose to marry a man who was seen as below her in society. Elsie knew that had she been alive back then, she would’ve hated having to live this kind of life, having every move dictated by the strict rules of society. She had never really believed in past lives, but now after everything that had happened these past two days, Elsie wondered if there was something in it. If she really had been Lady Elisabeth in a past life.

“Did you get everything you needed?” Charles asked as he walked into the hall after doing a final sweep of the library.

“I did,” she nodded.

As he moved closer, Charles noted the tears that were steadily beginning to fall.

“Is everything alright?” he asked, sensing she had lied when he had asked her earlier.

“It’s just overwhelming,” Elsie replied, “with all the déjà vu I’ve been experiencing, then the story of Elisabeth Crawley,”

“I know,” Charles commented understandingly, “though look at it from my point of view, she was very nearly my great grandmother.” he added attempting to make a joke.

Elsie turned to look at him, and smiled. Though it was disconcerting to know that they both looked like the young lovers who had once walked these halls. It was good to know she wasn’t the only one who found it overwhelming. In that moment, both found themselves leaning in closer. Charles placed two fingers beneath her chin and tilted her head upwards. With his other hand, he wiped away the tears that had fallen before he pressed his lips against hers briefly. He pulled back and was about to apologise for presuming things, before she placed her arms around his neck and pulled him close before kissing him again. This time it was longer and deeper than before. There was a moment of recognition as though they had done this before. As though they were meant to be together.

“Dinner tonight?” he asked, when they eventually broke apart.

“It’s a date,” she smiled, as she felt him slip his hand into hers. They shared a quick glance as they walked out of the Abbey, both feeling that this was the beginning of something special.


	13. Epilogue - One Year Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote that is seen on the gravestone comes from the poem Hallowed Ground by Thomas Campbell. And the lyrics at the beginning come from 'Let It Go' from Frozen

August 2014

_I don’t care_

_What they’re going to say_

_Let the storm rage on,_

_The cold never bothered me anyway_

Elsie looked into the rear view mirror and smiled at the sight of Leila singing along to the CD. Ever since she had seen Frozen, Leila had decided she wanted to be Elsa and made sure she watched the film at least once a day. Elsie looked over at the other passenger and smiled sadly, remembering the reason that they were heading back to the village of Downton.

“I’m sorry,” Elsie commented as she looked over at Charles, “the soundtrack from Frozen is probably not the best thing to be listening to, on your way to a funeral.”

“Its fine,” he replied, as he placed a hand on her leg and massaged it lightly, “my grandfather adored Leila. I don’t think he’d mind.”

“No, I don’t believe he would,” Elsie smiled as she turned off into the village of Downton. Since first coming here, she had met Peter Carson several times, and he always asked her if Charles had proposed yet. “He’s not the only one who adores Leila,” she added as she looked out of the corner of her eye. Charles merely smiled in response as he knew exactly who Elsie was referring too.

They had been dating for a month before she’d actually introduced him to her niece. He had been won over from the moment he met the whirling dervish that was Leila Daniels. Charles had shown up at Elsie’s flat to take her out and he’d been met at the door by a little girl with shoulder length brown hair, and piercing green eyes. As Elsie was still getting ready and the babysitter was running late, it fell to Charles to keep an eye on her. He had soon found himself roped into to playing princess tea party with Leila and all her dolls. Since then Leila had taken to yelling Uncle Charlie every time she saw him.

Following her visit to Downton Abbey last year, one weekend a month Elsie had been visiting abandoned stately homes all over the UK and Ireland. Charles had come along with her, to provide historical context and to allow their relationship to grow. Not only had their relationship flourished, but with Elsie’s help, Charles had finally started work on his own ‘passion project’, the book about Lady Elisabeth and the Crawley family. It was due to be published around the same time as Elsie’s exhibition opened at the gallery she worked for in Chelsea.

They pulled up in the driveway of the small house owned by Nathan and Lucy Carson. The minute Elsie had stopped the car, Leila unbuckled her seat belt and jumped out of the car as she made a beeline for Rosalie and Lily, the Carson’s two Golden Retrievers. She had fallen for them, when she’d first met them several months back, and every time Leila came to visit, she’d spend hours playing with them. The upshot was that Leila now wanted one, something they couldn’t have while in their current flat.

“Hello Elsie dear,” Lucy said as she hugged her, “how are you?”

“I’m fine thank you,” she replied, “did you and Nathan have a good time in Rome?”

“We did, it’s a lovely city you and Charles should go over there at some point.”

“Maybe next summer,” Charles replied with a twinkle in his eye as he came to stand beside Elsie. His mother caught onto the hint, as she was well aware of what her son had been planning for this week, even if the funeral would overshadow it slightly.

\--x--

The small gathering stood around the hole in the ground. It had been a small service with practically the whole village in attendance. Truly a testament to how everyone, knew everyone in the village of Downton. Many had gone over to the Downton Arms to prepare for the wake, the only ones remaining where those who were there to witness the burial.

Throughout the ceremony, Elsie had held Charles’ hand to provide all the comfort that she could give him. She knew how close he had been to his grandfather. As they stood side by side in the graveyard, Elsie had felt him slide an arm around her waist and hold her close to his side. She rested her head against his shoulder and felt a few tears fall as she remembered the kindly old man who had helped unlock the secret at the heart of Downton Abbey, and had brought her (or reunited her with – whichever point of view you took) Charles. She lifted her head slightly as she heard the people begin to move as they left the churchyard and smiled as Charles wiped away the tears and pressed a light kiss to her temple.

“Come on,” Nathan said turning to look at Leila, “how about we go and get you an ice cream for being so well behaved during the service hmm?”

Leila tilted her head and looked up at Nathan as though she was giving the idea some serious thought, “okay,” she smiled, “bye Auntie Elsie, bye, bye Uncle Charlie.”

Both Elsie and Charles smiled as they watched Leila go skipping off, holding the hands of both Lucy and Nathan. She may not have been their official grandchild but they loved her as if she was. Charles turned to follow them, but noticed that Elsie was staring off at a point in the distance.

“What is it?”

“Come on,” she replied as she pulled his arm in the direction of some older gravestones, “I thought so,” she commented when she reached two gravestones. “I thought I saw the name earlier,” she finished indicating one of the stones in front of them.

Charles looked at the name and smiled, before he read it aloud, “Lady Elisabeth Jane Crawley, loving daughter and devoted friend. 1895-1918. _‘To live in hearts we leave behind, is not to die.”_

“No, not that one. That one.” Elsie commented and pointed at the second gravestone.

“Charles Nathaniel Carson, devoted husband, father, grandfather, son. 1889-1964” he read, “Why have I never noticed his grave was beside hers?”

“No idea,” Elsie shrugged, “but I think it’s nice that they’re side by side again. Though surely that’s a bit harsh on your great grandmother?”

“Maybe they laid her to rest near her lost soldier.”

“Maybe,” Elsie agreed, “come on, didn’t you have to go check something up at the Abbey?”

“I did,” Charles nodded, “but I can do that tomorrow.”

\-----

One year had passed since she had last stood in front of the building and it really was remarkable how things had changed for her personally, but how little the Abbey itself had changed.

“It’s good to see its still standing,” Charles commented.

“Well your family have taken good care of it,” Elsie replied as they walked around the outside of the house.

“Would you like to take a walk down to the lake?” Charles asked, “we didn’t really get a chance to last year,” he added as they both remembered the washout that was last August.

“I’d like that,” she smiled as he linked their arms and led her down the path towards the lake.

The closer they got to the lake, Elsie marvelled at how the area became more and more well-groomed and tidy compared to the rest of the grounds. She wondered if there was a story there and decided to ask Charles if he knew.

“Why was the area by the lake always kept so well groomed?” Elsie asked.

“It was the one stipulation my great grandfather had,” Charles replied “even though he never came back up here, he said it held special memories for him, and he couldn’t bear to see it left a mess.”

“Did your grandfather ever tell you what those memories were?”

“He did,” Charles replied cryptically, as he pulled something out of his jacket pocket.

“Well, what was it?” she asked as she took some photos of the lake, before she turned around to see Charles knelt down on one knee, “Oh my God,” she smiled as she bit her lip.

“Elsie Hughes, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” she replied without hesitation, before he slid the ring onto her finger. Both marvelled at the fact that it was a perfect fit. “Isn’t this…” she tailed off as she looked at the ring and noticed the two diamonds on the gold band.

“It is,” Charles nodded as he stood up, “it was the one that my great-grandfather intended to give Lady Elisabeth,” he added as he pulled her close, “and it was here that he proposed to her.”

“So that’s why the lake was always well groomed?”

“It was,” he nodded, “when my grandfather told me, I knew that if we ever progressed to the proposal stage, I would do it here.”

“I can see why. It’s a beautiful place,” Elsie commented before she leaned up and kissed him lightly. Charles smiled against her lips as he felt the cool metal of the gold band make contact with the nape of his neck. In that moment, both felt a sense of completeness, as though a love story that had started 100 years ago, finally got the happy ending it deserved.


End file.
